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Not digging my sister's digs

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
in Wedding Woes
Dear Prudence,

When we were kids, my sister was always the “smart” one and I was the “pretty” one. She still seems to cling to this division 10 years after high school. She tells stories that exaggerate errors I have made, or twists them to turn bad luck into a mistake on my part. (Once I was late because I ran into traffic, and she told everyone I hadn’t learned to tell the time until I was 14.) Since I moved back to our hometown to help our dad at the family business she has only gotten worse. Not only does she disparage me to my relatives, she insults me to people I do business with. (I am an accountant, and I don’t need her to tell people I am innumerate.) She was always going to be a doctor and change the world, and she ended up a stay-at-home mom in the town she grew up in. I know she loves her kids, but she often talks about what she could have done if she’d not gotten married. I don’t know how to get her to stop doing something that is so ingrained in her view of the world—not to mention, I suspect, her self-image.

—Smart vs. Pretty
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Re: Not digging my sister's digs

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    charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    This is about her & not about you, but it does seem like it could have potential consequences to your career. I think it’s time to confront her, calmly & respectfully, but tell her clearly that her comments are hurting your & your fathers business and that you two need to address whatever this is about. 
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    climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    She needs to address this directly to her sister, and tell her that her digs, especially to clients are hurting her career and their father's business. 
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    short+sassyshort+sassy member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its

    It sounds like the sister might just be in a habit that she isn't even aware of.  The LW needs to SPEAK UP already!  Point out the hurtful, negative things the sister is saying.  And that it not only hurts the LW's feelings, but is also bad for the family business.

    That's the main problem to be tackled first.  Then, after some time and hopefully some improvement on the main problem, counter what the sister is saying about her own life.  I'd say something like, "We all wonder sometimes about the path not taken!  But what a blessing you chose the life you did.  (insert count your blessings examples)."

    Unfortunately for the sister, I suspect she has deep insecurities about how she looks.  A super awful and insidious aspect of our society is little girls are taught so early that they are supposed to be "pretty".  Even if she got that positive reinforcement, there could still be longstanding emotional scars if her sibling was the one more heavily praised for how she looks.  

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    MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Use your words!  

    Then suggest the sister go back to school for a class at a time towards her degree(s)/life goal she put off...  The kids aren't going to be little forever and the sister needs to develop a future of her own because dragging people down is hurting LW and most likely she doesn't realize she's doing it..

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