Dear Prudence,
My boyfriend, Brett, and I are in our late 20s, and we live in a studio space at his parents’ house. We currently sleep in a “mega bed”—which is a brand-new, queen-size mattress his parents bought for him last year, shoved together with my cheap, full-size bed from college. When we put together the “mega bed,” I was in between apartments and thought it was temporary. A year later, it’s clear I’m not moving out anytime soon—and my side of “mega bed” sucks. My back hurts, I don’t sleep well, and it’s just not comfortable. Brett understands that my bed is much worse but refuses to let me sleep in his bed with him because he says he needs the space to sleep comfortably. I don’t want to spend the money on a new full-size mattress for myself because we hope to move out soon and won’t realistically be able to bring both mattresses with us.
I’ve offered to splurge on a king-size mattress for the two of us to share, but Brett feels guilty that his parents just bought him a new mattress and that he won’t be able to contribute financially to the new mattress (I have the savings, he doesn’t). Conversations end in frustration on both ends. I’ve started sleeping on the couch on the other side of the house. I feel bad wanting my boyfriend to grow up and get used to sleeping next to me, but if he can’t sleep comfortably, he has a valid point. … I just don’t know what to do and I’m tired.
—To Sleep or Not to Sleep