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Bridesmaid Budget Too Expensive!!! Help, what do I tell my bride!!?!?!?!

AniBethAniBeth member
First Anniversary
in Moms and Maids
My best friend is getting married, and ask me to be MOH...her budget is very very small; which makes contributing to bridal party expenses impossible. However, between airfare to her long-distance location, the dress she's picked, and all the preparation expenses involved and traditional contributions maid's are expected to make, my cost is going to be close to $1000 for weekend! Thats bare-minimum costs, and for a ceremony that is only 5 months away! (She just got engaged.) It's just not in my budget to make that expenditure, but I still want to be MOH...what should I say to her...? What suggestions should I make...?
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Re: Bridesmaid Budget Too Expensive!!! Help, what do I tell my bride!!?!?!?!

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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think you honestly say to her "I'm so honored to have been asked to be your MOH, but it's just not in my budget.  It breaks my heart, but I have to decline the honor."
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    Amivy06Amivy06
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with PP
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    emarston1emarston1 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ditto PP.  You can't accept the honor but then refuse to spend the money on basics (airfare, hotel, etc.)

    However, did the bride ask your budget before she picked bridesmaid's dresses?  If she didn't ask you your budget then that is the bride's fault.  If it is out of your price range, she should chip in herself to cover the difference.
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    swim1011swim1011
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You're going to have to tell her you love her dearly, but just can't afford to spend that much money, especially with such short notice.  And, as PP noted, if she picked the dress without consulting you on the price, that's her fault, not yours.  It also sounds like she's having a destination wedding- why do that if she has such a small wedding budget?  Why not save everyone the money and stay closer to home?
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    duckie1905duckie1905 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    While I do think that you have the right to have input on the cost of the dress, I'm not sure why you would expect her to pay your travel expenses.  That is your responsibility unless she offers.  While it is nice to have some of that cost covered it isn't required that she pay for your travel and hotel.

    So, the dress is on her but I think it would've been polite for you to consider the expenses you would be expected to cover before accepting.

    With that being said if you can't afford it then you can't afford it.  Nicely tell her that while you want to be there for her wedding you simply don't have the money to swing it right now.  Either she'll accept it and move on or she'll offer to help. Either way, you've told her where you stand.
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    nefariousmangonefariousmango
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    It sucks, but I agree with the PPs that you have to decline if you can't afford it.  I personally hate the idea of asking someone to buy an expensive dress when your own wedding budget is tiny, but hey, not my wedding.  And maybe if you had a year to save, and a place to stay with friends or family, it would be more reasonable, but as it is, you just have to regretfully decline and do you best to attend.

    Would not doing some of the "traditional" duties make it affordable for you?  Maybe someone else, like her family or other friends, can help you out there.
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    handfast4mehandfast4me member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I, too, as a recent bride, and a recent MOB agree with pp, you'll need to politely decline the honor. 
    However, there's a previous post I would like to address.  Probably the reason airfare is required is because MOH lives far away--not necessarily a DW.  Also, if it is a DW, that's how some brides keep their budgets, and guestlists, small, is to have a DW.  I know, I had one.  No guests, no attendants.  Best thing I did.  None of the drama.  A wedding in my hometown would have necesitated, no kidding, a guestlist of 300, not counting my professional society, where EVERYONE (700) would have been insulted if they hadn't been asked to attend.
    image Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
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    bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Just tell her the truth.  And I agree with PP, you definitely should get to put a ceiling on the dress/accessories budget, but travel and accommodations are not up to her to pay for.  The bach party and shower are not things you are required to do for her; if you want to then you need to tell the other BMs honestly what you can contribute and hopefully that won't be an issue here.  

    But if it's out of your budget to be in the wedding, it's out of the budget to be in the wedding.  So just tell her the truth.  Any good friend will understand.  You never know, she may offer to pay in order to get you there (I have heard of brides doing this on the WP board) but be prepared for her not to be able to.  If she gives you any sort of hard time about this, she's being a terrible friend.
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