• Images
  • Text
  • Find a Couple + Registry
GO
Etiquette

Baby shower etiquette question

So a very good friend of mine is pregnant with her third child. It's a surprise - seven years after her last child. 

I immediately blurted out that I wanted to throw her a shower because I love her so much and I also love to host events. Only later did I remember third child and some people might be offended by that. 

So is this Sprinkle thing real? Should I do that? Is there a way to have an event with no gifts or at least not say she is registered? I'm thinking literally a cute outfit - no big gifts. 

Help!

Re: Baby shower etiquette question

  • I would probably keep it small - maybe just invite your close friend group?  I generally give a smaller gift for 2nd and 3rd babies for friends anyway, so it wouldn't bother me to be invited to a lunch to celebrate the new baby.  I don't think a registry is at all necessary in this situation. 
    short+sassyahoywedding
  • MRDCleMRDCle member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    In our group we usually do a brunch for kids past the first - very small - usually under 10 people.  No registry - but everyone typical brings a couple books or an outfit or sleepsack. 
    short+sassyahoywedding
  • Yeah, it would be 10 people max - just lunch, cake and punch; no registry. 

    I really didn't even think about gifts. It's mostly just to celebrate with her. 
  • MRDCleMRDCle member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Yeah, it would be 10 people max - just lunch, cake and punch; no registry. 

    I really didn't even think about gifts. It's mostly just to celebrate with her. 
    The last babe in our group I just texted my friend and said "Wanna get some people together for brunch before BG3 comes along?" I don't think it needs to be labeled a sprinkle or a shower.
    STARMOON44
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    In my area, baby showers happen after the baby has been born.  Is that an option?  Then you could host it as a "Come meet the new baby", host some food, cake, etc.  People who will always bring something for a new baby will, and there's no need to mention a shower specifically
    “People who will always bring something for a new baby will.......”


    When DD announced she was expecting #2, her MIL announced she wanted to host a sprinkle.  I do NOT agree with that philosophy.  I told her it was thoughtful and she could obviously do as she wanted, but made it crystal clear I would NOT be including any of my family members.  In our family, an event is never necessary when wanting to gift someone.  DD received several spontaneous and thoughtful items for #2 when family either visited or saw DD/baby at the next family event.  

    @bubblylove, I think you could easily turn that “blurt” into a lovely brunch.  I would probably do it as a “last calm before the chaos” event versus choosing a date after baby is born, because.......chaos!
    charlotte989875MairePoppyahoyweddingnightnerd
  • ei34ei34 member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I only had one baby shower but I’ve attended a handful of sprinkles...i like them personally.  Hosted lunch and bar at a restaurant with family or friends, no registry or expectation of gifts...it’s nice :) I do always bring a new outfit for the baby on the way, or something nice for the mother (gift certificate to her local spa for a mani/pedi, etc.)
    short+sassycharlotte989875ahoyweddingMesmrEwe
  • MRDCle said:
    Yeah, it would be 10 people max - just lunch, cake and punch; no registry. 

    I really didn't even think about gifts. It's mostly just to celebrate with her. 
    The last babe in our group I just texted my friend and said "Wanna get some people together for brunch before BG3 comes along?" I don't think it needs to be labeled a sprinkle or a shower.

    @bubblylove, I think your plan and all the ideas like this sound great.  I wouldn't call it a shower.  I might even be hesitant to call it a sprinkle, because that still implies gifts.  Though I personally have nothing against "sprinkles" and wouldn't be side-eye about an invite for one.

    But there is nothing wrong with and it is a very nice thought to throw a small get together for a friend who is expecting.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    InLoveInQueensahoywedding
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    While it would not be appropriate to hold a "shower" or anything that implies that gifts are expected, I see no reason why you couldn't hold a small low-key party for close friends and family with no registry. Cake and punch would be fine.
  • @bubblylove

    I totally think it's appropriate for a Sprinkle (def not shower)...it's been 7 years since her last child....I'm sure she barely has any baby stuff in the house!
  • Jen4948 said:
    While it would not be appropriate to hold a "shower" or anything that implies that gifts are expected, I see no reason why you couldn't hold a small low-key party for close friends and family with no registry. Cake and punch would be fine.
    I agree with this. Earlier when I said "I don't think anything is appropriate", I meant shower-ey (regardless of what you call it). 

    I'm rarely opposed to a party. A brunch or something like that sounds great. 

    And can I just say that I hate the "well they don't have baby stuff anymore!" mindset? I've done a lot of things that I didn't have the supplies for and I didn't feel deserving of a shower. No puppy shower, no apartment shower, no house shower, etc. I don't understand why a baby is different.
    You're right, a baby is not any different. I mean, the OP is just trying to be nice...i hardly find this offensive and i don't think she (or the mother-to-be...at least not that we know of) EXPECTS to get gifts...it's just a nice gesture.

    If I was invited to something like this...i would totally think "Oh shit! They probably don't have any baby stuff anymore...Hahahah." and then gladly buy a gift even if it wasn't expected (hopefully).
    ahoyweddingSTARMOON44
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Some friends of mine hosted an accessories sprinkle.  They had ribbons, infant hair clips, headbands, and hot glue guns.  We munched, drank wine, and made accessories for her daughter.  A few people may have brought gifts, but it wasn't the focus.
    short+sassy
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Jen4948 said:
    While it would not be appropriate to hold a "shower" or anything that implies that gifts are expected, I see no reason why you couldn't hold a small low-key party for close friends and family with no registry. Cake and punch would be fine.
    I agree with this. Earlier when I said "I don't think anything is appropriate", I meant shower-ey (regardless of what you call it). 

    I'm rarely opposed to a party. A brunch or something like that sounds great. 

    And can I just say that I hate the "well they don't have baby stuff anymore!" mindset? I've done a lot of things that I didn't have the supplies for and I didn't feel deserving of a shower. No puppy shower, no apartment shower, no house shower, etc. I don't understand why a baby is different.
    The distinction for this thread is you don't feel deserving of a shower for other major life events. Here, someone is offering. Maybe this soon-to-be mother of 3 doesn't feel deserving either, and maybe they have plenty of money to re-buy all that stuff themselves. But, this OP wants to have a celebratory party. So, go for it. 
    Babies are different from puppies, apartments and houses for a few reasons in my opinion. Babies- adorable, fun to shop for, ridiculously expensive, and traditional to be given gifts for. Homes- historically traditional for newlyweds to get household crap via weddings. But us modern women have separated the living on our own thing from marriage so buy our first bookshelves from Ikea or garage sales on our entry-level salaries, haha. Puppies- cute, but cheap in terms of stuff and no one gifts chow and healthcare costs so...
    ________________________________


  • Some friends of mine hosted an accessories sprinkle.  They had ribbons, infant hair clips, headbands, and hot glue guns.  We munched, drank wine, and made accessories for her daughter.  A few people may have brought gifts, but it wasn't the focus.
    This is cute. I agree with PPs that since you offered, it's different than you friend asking. Parlay your offer into a nice friends brunch, no registry, no stupid games. You could do an activity like the quoted post, or maybe decorate onesies. I went to a shower once and we all painted a couple alphabet letters for the nursery. If you think those are cheesy options (no offense taken!), just have brunch, some fun drinks, and enjoy time together. I wouldn't ever side-eye a brunch, but I'd be a little judgy of a full-blown shower for the third kid.
    InLoveInQueens
  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited July 2018
    Our standard answer on The Bump is when there's a huge gap between the ages of the previous baby or it's a different gender and multi-years, or twins, totally o.k. to do a shower, or some do "sprinkles" (more for a different gender) but really... This is not the previous baby is 4, it's 7 years difference, it's totally o.k. because even if they kept their baby things they're likely already recalled and the like, Carseats are expired, etc.  

    Throw the shower as you want it to be thrown, maybe cut out a few of the cheesy first-time-Mom stuff (games, etc.)...  Also, yes, registries are nice to have because no one knows what she has or doesn't have from her previous kids and it avoids duplicates... 
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing Alaska member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    MesmrEwe said:
    Our standard answer on The Bump is when there's a huge gap between the ages of the previous baby or it's a different gender and multi-years, or twins, totally o.k. to do a shower, or some do "sprinkles" (more for a different gender) but really... This is not the previous baby is 4, it's 7 years difference, it's totally o.k. because even if they kept their baby things they're likely already recalled and the like, Carseats are expired, etc.  

    Throw the shower as you want it to be thrown, maybe cut out a few of the cheesy first-time-Mom stuff (games, etc.)...  Also, yes, registries are nice to have because no one knows what she has or doesn't have from her previous kids and it avoids duplicates... 
    I kind of disagree with this. What about moms who have three or four kids 2-3 years apart? By kid 3 or 4, that's the same gap and the same likelihood of expiration or recall between kid 1 and kid 3/4. 

    ei34
  • MesmrEwe said:
    Our standard answer on The Bump is when there's a huge gap between the ages of the previous baby or it's a different gender and multi-years, or twins, totally o.k. to do a shower, or some do "sprinkles" (more for a different gender) but really... This is not the previous baby is 4, it's 7 years difference, it's totally o.k. because even if they kept their baby things they're likely already recalled and the like, Carseats are expired, etc.  

    Throw the shower as you want it to be thrown, maybe cut out a few of the cheesy first-time-Mom stuff (games, etc.)...  Also, yes, registries are nice to have because no one knows what she has or doesn't have from her previous kids and it avoids duplicates... 
    I kind of disagree with this. What about moms who have three or four kids 2-3 years apart? By kid 3 or 4, that's the same gap and the same likelihood of expiration or recall between kid 1 and kid 3/4. 
    From what I've seen in most cases when there is a larger gap there's also the thought that the baby just may not have happened.   I had the pleasure of meeting a new baby over the weekend who came after a series of several miscarriages.   Mom and Dad were truly over the moon but had low expectations.

    It's not the same when you're staggering babies because you're also investing in upgraded equipment.   Mine are 3.9 years apart.   The car seat for the first could be used for the second and now the first is ready to move on up to  booster.   We've also invested in car seats with a 10 year expiration now and not one item has been recalled in 7 years.  That's different than if I had a 7 yo only and was pregnant again not thinking that it would happen.     
    MesmrEwe
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    MesmrEwe said:
    Our standard answer on The Bump is when there's a huge gap between the ages of the previous baby or it's a different gender and multi-years, or twins, totally o.k. to do a shower, or some do "sprinkles" (more for a different gender) but really... This is not the previous baby is 4, it's 7 years difference, it's totally o.k. because even if they kept their baby things they're likely already recalled and the like, Carseats are expired, etc.  

    Throw the shower as you want it to be thrown, maybe cut out a few of the cheesy first-time-Mom stuff (games, etc.)...  Also, yes, registries are nice to have because no one knows what she has or doesn't have from her previous kids and it avoids duplicates... 
    I kind of disagree with this. What about moms who have three or four kids 2-3 years apart? By kid 3 or 4, that's the same gap and the same likelihood of expiration or recall between kid 1 and kid 3/4. 
    Me too. also, the different gender thing. Why do I have to buy you another stroller because you're having a girl this time? Boys and girls can use the same stuff, play with the same toys and even <gasp> wear the same clothes. 

    But even still, it's the couple's decision to have another child at whatever time. If they aren't financially prepared to replace the expired car seat, maybe another kid isn't a very good idea. 


    ShesSoColdInLoveInQueensei34STARMOON44
  • ei34ei34 member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    MesmrEwe said:
    Our standard answer on The Bump is when there's a huge gap between the ages of the previous baby or it's a different gender and multi-years, or twins, totally o.k. to do a shower, or some do "sprinkles" (more for a different gender) but really... This is not the previous baby is 4, it's 7 years difference, it's totally o.k. because even if they kept their baby things they're likely already recalled and the like, Carseats are expired, etc.  

    Throw the shower as you want it to be thrown, maybe cut out a few of the cheesy first-time-Mom stuff (games, etc.)...  Also, yes, registries are nice to have because no one knows what she has or doesn't have from her previous kids and it avoids duplicates... 
    I kind of disagree with this. What about moms who have three or four kids 2-3 years apart? By kid 3 or 4, that's the same gap and the same likelihood of expiration or recall between kid 1 and kid 3/4. 
    Me too. also, the different gender thing. Why do I have to buy you another stroller because you're having a girl this time? Boys and girls can use the same stuff, play with the same toys and even <gasp> wear the same clothes. 

    But even still, it's the couple's decision to have another child at whatever time. If they aren't financially prepared to replace the expired car seat, maybe another kid isn't a very good idea. 


    All of this.  I love perusing registries but I always give a hard eye roll when the couple is expecting a girl and is registered for the pink princess Minnie pack and play, swing, activity mat, high chair, etc.  Not because they couldn’t reuse any of it with a baby boy- they certainly could- but bc those are usually the people two years later having a second shower bc a boy is on the way and all of his gear has to be navy blue and adorned with baseballs, footballs and basketballs. Get gender neutral stuff the first time around...or buy new stuff yourselves.  So a second shower (or a sprinkle with a registry) just bc the baby is a different gender is super tacky IMO.

    And ditto @MyNameIsNot even when there’s a large gap...it’s your second (third, etc) time around, you know how much everything costs- why have a baby if you can’t afford their stuff?  The baby gear is nothing compared to the extra 529 savings account, toddler gym classes and tickets to Sesame St/Paw Patrol Live, an extra school supply list, etc.  :s

    Before we got married H and I talked about 2-3 kids, a couple of years between each.  We were surprised with twins when our oldest was still a baby herself.  Three under 15 months wasn’t fun or financially easy but registering again never crossed our minds.  
    InLoveInQueensernursejcharlotte989875
  • Years ago, when I was having my second, a friend who loved to throw parties for any reason insisted on having a shower for me. I was mortified and tried to decline, but she was really pushy. I didn't register anywhere (it wasn't a thing to register for baby showers then) and got some needed items, but it was still awkward.

    Fortunately, everyone in the neighborhood knew of this woman's need to plan events, and some had also been her "hospitality victims," so no one held it against me, as far as I know.
  • MesmrEwe said:
    Our standard answer on The Bump is when there's a huge gap between the ages of the previous baby or it's a different gender and multi-years, or twins, totally o.k. to do a shower, or some do "sprinkles" (more for a different gender) but really... This is not the previous baby is 4, it's 7 years difference, it's totally o.k. because even if they kept their baby things they're likely already recalled and the like, Carseats are expired, etc.  

    Throw the shower as you want it to be thrown, maybe cut out a few of the cheesy first-time-Mom stuff (games, etc.)...  Also, yes, registries are nice to have because no one knows what she has or doesn't have from her previous kids and it avoids duplicates... 
    I kind of disagree with this. What about moms who have three or four kids 2-3 years apart? By kid 3 or 4, that's the same gap and the same likelihood of expiration or recall between kid 1 and kid 3/4. 
    Me too. also, the different gender thing. Why do I have to buy you another stroller because you're having a girl this time? Boys and girls can use the same stuff, play with the same toys and even <gasp> wear the same clothes. 

    But even still, it's the couple's decision to have another child at whatever time. If they aren't financially prepared to replace the expired car seat, maybe another kid isn't a very good idea. 


    IMO, it's when a sprinkle is OK it's when you have a big space or a difference in gender.   But a sprinkle is small and for something like a blanket or a shirt.

    That's different than a shower where you may register for a high chair or a pack and play and no, you don't get a different one because your second child is a different sex.
  • MesmrEwe said:
    Our standard answer on The Bump is when there's a huge gap between the ages of the previous baby or it's a different gender and multi-years, or twins, totally o.k. to do a shower, or some do "sprinkles" (more for a different gender) but really... This is not the previous baby is 4, it's 7 years difference, it's totally o.k. because even if they kept their baby things they're likely already recalled and the like, Carseats are expired, etc.  

    Throw the shower as you want it to be thrown, maybe cut out a few of the cheesy first-time-Mom stuff (games, etc.)...  Also, yes, registries are nice to have because no one knows what she has or doesn't have from her previous kids and it avoids duplicates... 
    I kind of disagree with this. What about moms who have three or four kids 2-3 years apart? By kid 3 or 4, that's the same gap and the same likelihood of expiration or recall between kid 1 and kid 3/4. 
    Me too. also, the different gender thing. Why do I have to buy you another stroller because you're having a girl this time? Boys and girls can use the same stuff, play with the same toys and even <gasp> wear the same clothes. 

    But even still, it's the couple's decision to have another child at whatever time. If they aren't financially prepared to replace the expired car seat, maybe another kid isn't a very good idea. 


    All of this.  I love perusing registries but I always give a hard eye roll when the couple is expecting a girl and is registered for the pink princess Minnie pack and play, swing, activity mat, high chair, etc.  Not because they couldn’t reuse any of it with a baby boy- they certainly could- but bc those are usually the people two years later having a second shower bc a boy is on the way and all of his gear has to be navy blue and adorned with baseballs, footballs and basketballs. Get gender neutral stuff the first time around...or buy new stuff yourselves.  So a second shower (or a sprinkle with a registry) just bc the baby is a different gender is super tacky IMO.

    And ditto @MyNameIsNot even when there’s a large gap...it’s your second (third, etc) time around, you know how much everything costs- why have a baby if you can’t afford their stuff?  The baby gear is nothing compared to the extra 529 savings account, toddler gym classes and tickets to Sesame St/Paw Patrol Live, an extra school supply list, etc.  :s

    Before we got married H and I talked about 2-3 kids, a couple of years between each.  We were surprised with twins when our oldest was still a baby herself.  Three under 15 months wasn’t fun or financially easy but another shower never crossed our minds.  
    InLoveInQueens
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards