Dear Prudence,
I am married, and my sister is dating a guy named “Dan.” We are all in our mid-20s. Dan is a buzzkill. He is boring: He hates sports, bars, restaurants (but he doesn’t cook), and movies, and he thinks pets are “unsanitary.” He never offers a suggestion for an outing and just sits like a bump on a log if we do anything as a group. Conversations with him are minimal. My sister is fun—she cosplays at conventions, is always willing to try something new, and she wants to get a dog once she can find a place with a yard. My sister wants my approval, but I don’t know what to say. Dan isn’t a bad guy—just beige. I don’t see my lovely, lively sister being happy with him. Should I say anything to her? If so, what? I have tried the “If he makes you happy” standby, but my sister knows that is a dodge.
—Buzzkill
Re: My sister's wet-blanket boyfriend
Rather than share an opinion, try to get sis to open up about what she sees in him.
This letter could be written by one of my friends' sister. She is currently on her way to a convention in Oregon with another friend because her "Dan" doesn't like to do that shit. He doesn't like to do a whole lot of anything. But they're happy. She does all of the things she wants to do and so does he. They occasionally do things together but she's fine doing them alone or with friends.
I guess my H is somewhat similar too. He doesn't often go to games, he doesn't like bars and never goes on any of the pub crawls or parties my one group of friends has. I bet they see him as boring and lame. But I think he's pretty freaking great and IDGAF what anyone else thinks.
Also, Dan may not like cosplay or anything adventurous, but he may also be perfectly fine letting LW's sister do these things on her own while he stays home. Some couples are totally happy having their time together and then each doing their own thing and pursuing their own interest without their partner getting involved.
If it reaches a point where Dan is isolating LW's sister from doing what she loves or from the friends she does those things with, then LW should be concerned. But I don't see any indication that that's happened at this point.
If this isn't normal for the sister, I suspect it's a case that she has her own questions about the relationship, but feels guilty about not liking a perfectly nice guy for being boring, and is looking for some validation of her feelings. I still don't think calling him beige is the solution, but maybe LW can ask the right questions to help her sister think through her own feelings.