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Wedding Woes
mrsconn23
member
Are you really obsessing about this?
in Wedding Woes
Dear Prudence,
I have a cat. She is the first pet I’ve ever had and has been with me for five years. This might sound sad, but she is my rock. Through breakups, moves, and family illness, she has been with me through thick and thin. I am single, so I love having something to come home to and take care of that accepts me unconditionally. All of this to say, I do not know how to handle the devastating eventuality that one day she will die. I’m afraid that it will destroy me. With no previous experience of a pet, I don’t know how to cope with this at all. Is there a way to pre-emptively prepare myself? I would like to just not think about it and enjoy the many years I have with her, but I am also afraid that if I don’t learn how to deal with it now, I won’t be able to in the future.
—Cat Lady
I have a cat. She is the first pet I’ve ever had and has been with me for five years. This might sound sad, but she is my rock. Through breakups, moves, and family illness, she has been with me through thick and thin. I am single, so I love having something to come home to and take care of that accepts me unconditionally. All of this to say, I do not know how to handle the devastating eventuality that one day she will die. I’m afraid that it will destroy me. With no previous experience of a pet, I don’t know how to cope with this at all. Is there a way to pre-emptively prepare myself? I would like to just not think about it and enjoy the many years I have with her, but I am also afraid that if I don’t learn how to deal with it now, I won’t be able to in the future.
—Cat Lady
Re: Are you really obsessing about this?
Perhaps some grief books are in order?? I wonder if LW has experienced the death of anyone.
But then I find them, pet them, and force affection on them and then I’m not sad anymore.
Edna is my first "real" dog (the dog that died 6 months after moving in with us and the dog we got rid of after 6 months of biting everyone when I was 8 don't count) and I love her tremendously. I cry even thinking about her dying. But it's all anxiety. I just have to keep telling myself that I need to enjoy her while she's here and to deal with it when the time comes. I'll be absolutely completely devastated when her time comes, but that shouldn't stop me from enjoying her now.
That's a great observation.
Like other PPs have mentioned, it's normal to have moments of sadness thinking about the loss of a pet, even if it is probably many years in the future. But it shouldn't leave her with such worry in the present time.
I like the suggestions of finding a good book on grief, possibly with an emphasis on "how to go on..." I wouldn't be surprised if there are books specifically about the grief of losing a pet.
I think getting another cat as her current one starts getting along in years would also be helpful. My friend adopted two litter mates years ago. When the first one died, she adopted a kitten. The second litter mate died about a year later. It helped with her grief to still have a cat she loved, to come to home to.
This might be counterintuitive and not work for everyone, but I find it really helpful to picture what my future life will look like in a "worst case scenario" (this is when I'm making a big decision) or what my future life will look like when "Y" happens.
She should picture her life after her cat passes. Picture snapshots of her typical day. Going to work. Boring budget meeting. Picking up groceries on the way home. Getting home and...some sadness her cat isn't there...but she puts away the groceries. Makes dinner and watches the latest episode of Survivor. Whatever she normally does. In other words, picture herself surviving and doing just fine.
And my condolences to you, Starmoon.... I'm so sorry