Pre-wedding Parties

Inviting people to the bridal shower, but not the wedding.

Hi all!
I'm planning a very small wedding, really just parents, siblings, and grandparents, in my mom's backyard. We're keeping the whole thing very low-key, and we aren't planning on having any of the usual pre-wedding festivities, however my mom and my gran are pretty set on throwing a bridal shower since it's a big there where they're from apparently (Scotland), and I'm more than okay with that. 
Where are opinions differ is on the guest list. They think it's not weird at all to invite people to the shower who aren't going to be at the wedding. I can see where they're coming from, it's another opportunity to celebrate and all that, and really I don't think most of my family would be bothered by being invited to the shower and not the wedding, but I still think it's really weird. 
What do you guys think? Would it be weird to invite people to the shower who won't be invited to the wedding?
Thanks in advance! 

Re: Inviting people to the bridal shower, but not the wedding.

  • Those who are not invited to the wedding should not be invited to a pre-wedding party. The exception would be office group showers but even then, I'm a bit meh about those. Stick to your guns and decline any showers where people are being invited that are not invited to the wedding.
    charlotte989875thisismynickname2ahoyweddingshort+sassy
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited October 2018
    As the PP notes, it would be inappropriate to invite non-wedding guests to a wedding-related side event (other than an office or group event).

    Since the shower your relatives want to throw isn't an office or group event, refuse any shower offers that would include guests who aren't invited to the wedding. Stand firm. Just because they think it's okay and wouldn't be bothered by it doesn't make this acceptable.
    ahoyweddingshort+sassy
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I agree with PPs. If they aren't invited to the wedding, they aren't invited to the shower. Be firm about this.
    ahoyweddingshort+sassy
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    It's extremely rude to be invited to a shower, and then not invited to the wedding. 

    MyNameIsNotahoywedding
  • Hi all!
    I'm planning a very small wedding, really just parents, siblings, and grandparents, in my mom's backyard. We're keeping the whole thing very low-key, and we aren't planning on having any of the usual pre-wedding festivities, however my mom and my gran are pretty set on throwing a bridal shower since it's a big there where they're from apparently (Scotland), and I'm more than okay with that. 
    Where are opinions differ is on the guest list. They think it's not weird at all to invite people to the shower who aren't going to be at the wedding. I can see where they're coming from, it's another opportunity to celebrate and all that, and really I don't think most of my family would be bothered by being invited to the shower and not the wedding, but I still think it's really weird. 
    What do you guys think? Would it be weird to invite people to the shower who won't be invited to the wedding?
    Thanks in advance! 
    I have dealt with this in my family.   I had older relatives who honestly didn't care about this kind of faux pas.

    I said absolutely not because as PPs said, it's really rude to be invited to a pre-event but not the main one especially when a shower asks you to spend money on the couple. 

    Don't do it!  

    The only time I'd ever bend on this is if a guest actually said, "Hey, I know I'm not invited but if there's a shower I'd love to be included."  That's still technically 'not ok' too but at least you have absolution from the guest. 
    ahoywedding
  • You can turn down any party that's offered if you don't like the strings. Please do not go along with inviting people who will not be invited to the wedding. A shower is a gift giving event.

    It's not "weird" to invite people to a shower who are not invited to a wedding, it's 'rude and gift grabby'.
    ahoyweddingshort+sassy
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Yes, this would be weird, but that's NBD. The problem is that it's really rude.  "Hi, would you like to come buy me a gift to celebrate one of the biggest events of my life? But yeah, you're not good enough to actually be allowed to witness this momentous event."

    Just decline the shower. When mom and gram got married, they got to do it the way they wanted. You've decided to go small and intimate. That's totally fine, but small and intimate means tiny or no shower.  
    InLoveInQueensthisismynickname2ahoyweddingei34
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    More often than not, showers are held before wedding invitations even go out.  It would be misleading at the very least to invite guests to a pre-wedding event, leading them to possibly think they would be invited to the wedding.

    Decline this event. 

    InLoveInQueensahoyweddingshort+sassy
  • Sure Sharon - please come my shower and bring me a gift but you aren't invited to actually see me get married. That is only for the important people.

    No. Just no.
    ahoywedding
  • A wedding shower is not "another opportunity to celebrate" for anyone except the couple getting married and for the guests who are invited to the actual wedding. For everyone else, it's an opportunity to spend money.

    Telling people "I'll take your presents but not your presence" is really tacky, and worse, it's mean. Even if you don't care about tacky, I hope you care about mean.
    InLoveInQueensshort+sassythisismynickname2
  • It's not only weird, it's incredibly rude. You cannot accept gifts from people at a wedding shower and then exclude them from the wedding. 
    image
    InLoveInQueensahoywedding
  • Thanks everyone. 
  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Would you invite people formally to give you a gift for your birthday but not invite them to your party? A wedding is the same thing.
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