Wedding Woes

Today's 4 men

Dear Prudence,

Last week, my youngest brother’s wife gave birth to a little girl, their first child and our parents’ first grandchild. As we were all gathered in the hospital, ooh-ing and ahh-ing over the little morsel, my long-term boyfriend thought it would be “funny” to call out during that special moment, “Wait until 18 years from now, when she’s screaming that she hates you and ya gotta figure out a way to pay for college!” This was said to my brother, as he was holding and gently rocking his newborn daughter. I was appalled and let my boyfriend know it later when we were alone. I told him my family would not be amused by that at all, and he answered that it was just a joke and we were all “way too uptight.” I’m upset, both by his comment in the hospital and by his attitude toward my feelings about it. He won’t apologize, either to me or my family, which is infuriating. I’m not asking him to crawl at my feet, just a little acknowledgment that his remark was inappropriate. He refuses to see that there’s anything wrong and tells me to get over myself. Am I being “too uptight”?

—No Joke

Re: Today's 4 men

  • I'm rolling my eyes super hard at the LW. 

    The good news is that with an attitude like hers he won't be her BF much longer. 
    ahoyweddingInLoveInQueenscharlotte989875
  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    The great thing about dating is that when people are horrible and you don’t like them, you get to stop dating them!
    HA this exactly! 

    I do think they're both being jerks. Who hasn't made a joke that fell flat or was poorly timed. But his insistence on not offering up an apology would bug me enough to not want to date him anymore. 

    ei34ahoyweddingshort+sassyInLoveInQueens
  • That LW made enough of an issue for the bf to get so defensive- and that they’re now in a stalemate- over a joke that fell flat makes me feel like they weren’t your strongest couple pre-joke.  Ditto what Starmoon said.
    ahoyweddingInLoveInQueenscharlotte989875
  • Does LW even know if their family is actually offended?  I think LW assumes that the family is offended which makes their reaction all the more out of proportion.

    short+sassy
  • I don't necessarily think the joke was insensitive, so much as it was poorly timed.  So fresh, mom and baby are still in the hospital?  Poorly timed.  But I don't even have kids and have heard some joking variation of "Oh, Baby J is so cute now, but just wait until (insert age/event/whatever)."

    @Ro041, makes a really good point.  If no one in her family has said something about being offended, for the b/f to apologize now would only bring his awkward joke back up.  If they have, then what's the big deal about apologizing if it's just a dumb joke anyway.

    But the LW is also making too big of a deal about this.  Couples do not need to be in "lock-step" at all times about all things.  She strongly feels what he said was inappropriate and he doesn't.  About a JOKE*, of all inconsequential things.  They can "agree to disagree" and move on.

    *I'm not saying just because something is a joke means it is inconsequential.  But, in this case, it is.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    InLoveInQueenscharlotte989875ei34
  • I don't necessarily think the joke was insensitive, so much as it was poorly timed.  So fresh, mom and baby are still in the hospital?  Poorly timed.  But I don't even have kids and have heard some joking variation of "Oh, Baby J is so cute now, but just wait until (insert age/event/whatever)."

    @Ro041, makes a really good point.  If no one in her family has said something about being offended, for the b/f to apologize now would only bring his awkward joke back up.  If they have, then what's the big deal about apologizing if it's just a dumb joke anyway.

    But the LW is also making too big of a deal about this.  Couples do not need to be in "lock-step" at all times about all things.  She strongly feels what he said was inappropriate and he doesn't.  About a JOKE*, of all inconsequential things.  They can "agree to disagree" and move on.

    *I'm not saying just because something is a joke means it is inconsequential.  But, in this case, it is.

    Exactly.   Is it cliche and sexist?  Sure probably. 

    It's been said and done.   IMO unless there's more to this story it's so not worth the argument.   DH and I say all the time, "Oh just wait til Chiquita's a teenager...." and we shake our heads.  

    That the LW is turning this into a huge issue up to and including writing a letter about it makes me wonder if she's incapable of knowing how to pick and choose her battles.   That's a life skill she's lacking and failure to hone it spells problems in a business and personal life. 
    charlotte989875ei34
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