Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

Military Dance

My MIL asked my fiance and I do dance where she can dance with her stepson since she didn't get to do the mother and son dance with him at his wedding. He is in the military so she phrased it that it could be like an honor dance for military members. She said my fiance could dance with his aunt who is a retired vet. But the only person in my family that was in the military is my great uncle and he might not even attend so I would have no one to dance with. Even if my great uncle can attend, he is very shy and likely wouldn't want to dance. My fiance also thinks his brother's wife would feel left out because her husband would be dancing with my MIL. I have no problem honoring the military, but if choose to do that I think the veterans should be able to pick who they dance with instead of us telling them. What do you guys think? 

Re: Military Dance

  • My MIL asked my fiance and I do dance where she can dance with her stepson since she didn't get to do the mother and son dance with him at his wedding. He is in the military so she phrased it that it could be like an honor dance for military members. She said my fiance could dance with his aunt who is a retired vet. But the only person in my family that was in the military is my great uncle and he might not even attend so I would have no one to dance with. Even if my great uncle can attend, he is very shy and likely wouldn't want to dance. My fiance also thinks his brother's wife would feel left out because her husband would be dancing with my MIL. I have no problem honoring the military, but if choose to do that I think the veterans should be able to pick who they dance with instead of us telling them. What do you guys think? 
    I think that is very strange and most wedding guests get bored of spotlight dances pretty quickly so I definitely wouldn't add another one. 

    Depending on how your FI feels about this, I'd gently tell your MIL that you will be sure to tell the photographer to get pictures of her dancing with her son but that there will not be an additional spotlight dance for this. 

    Your wedding isn't the place to fix other people's dissatisfaction with other weddings. 
    I agree that spotlight dances can be very boring for our guests. We already doing our first dance then transitioning immediately into another slow song which we invite our bridal party and their dates to join us. We are also doing mother/son dance and father/daughter dance. I would have liked to do a dance for our parents, but his parents are divorced so we decided not to do that. I am having my parents' wedding song played because I decided to have that song played because they eloped so they never actually got a first dance. However, it wouldn't be a stoplight dance. Everyone could dance to it. I just want to honor them by having it played plus I think it is a beautiful song.  
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    My MIL asked my fiance and I do dance where she can dance with her stepson since she didn't get to do the mother and son dance with him at his wedding. He is in the military so she phrased it that it could be like an honor dance for military members. She said my fiance could dance with his aunt who is a retired vet. But the only person in my family that was in the military is my great uncle and he might not even attend so I would have no one to dance with. Even if my great uncle can attend, he is very shy and likely wouldn't want to dance. My fiance also thinks his brother's wife would feel left out because her husband would be dancing with my MIL. I have no problem honoring the military, but if choose to do that I think the veterans should be able to pick who they dance with instead of us telling them. What do you guys think? 
    I think that is very strange and most wedding guests get bored of spotlight dances pretty quickly so I definitely wouldn't add another one. 

    Depending on how your FI feels about this, I'd gently tell your MIL that you will be sure to tell the photographer to get pictures of her dancing with her son but that there will not be an additional spotlight dance for this. 

    Your wedding isn't the place to fix other people's dissatisfaction with other weddings. 
    I agree that spotlight dances can be very boring for our guests. We already doing our first dance then transitioning immediately into another slow song which we invite our bridal party and their dates to join us. We are also doing mother/son dance and father/daughter dance. I would have liked to do a dance for our parents, but his parents are divorced so we decided not to do that. I am having my parents' wedding song played because I decided to have that song played because they eloped so they never actually got a first dance. However, it wouldn't be a stoplight dance. Everyone could dance to it. I just want to honor them by having it played plus I think it is a beautiful song.  
    You're doing FOUR spotlight dances? That's at least one, if not two, too many. Why does everyone else need to watch the bridal party slow dance? I've been to weddings where they do the father/daughter and mother/son dance at the same time and that's really nice. 

    But, I'm finally starting to recognize you, Knottie"IRefuseToAcceptSolutions"Numbers so I'm sure you'll go ahead with this plethora of spotlight dances. Just please make sure the bar is open during them.
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  • My MIL asked my fiance and I do dance where she can dance with her stepson since she didn't get to do the mother and son dance with him at his wedding. He is in the military so she phrased it that it could be like an honor dance for military members. She said my fiance could dance with his aunt who is a retired vet. But the only person in my family that was in the military is my great uncle and he might not even attend so I would have no one to dance with. Even if my great uncle can attend, he is very shy and likely wouldn't want to dance. My fiance also thinks his brother's wife would feel left out because her husband would be dancing with my MIL. I have no problem honoring the military, but if choose to do that I think the veterans should be able to pick who they dance with instead of us telling them. What do you guys think? 
    I think that is very strange and most wedding guests get bored of spotlight dances pretty quickly so I definitely wouldn't add another one. 

    Depending on how your FI feels about this, I'd gently tell your MIL that you will be sure to tell the photographer to get pictures of her dancing with her son but that there will not be an additional spotlight dance for this. 

    Your wedding isn't the place to fix other people's dissatisfaction with other weddings. 
    I agree that spotlight dances can be very boring for our guests. We already doing our first dance then transitioning immediately into another slow song which we invite our bridal party and their dates to join us. We are also doing mother/son dance and father/daughter dance. I would have liked to do a dance for our parents, but his parents are divorced so we decided not to do that. I am having my parents' wedding song played because I decided to have that song played because they eloped so they never actually got a first dance. However, it wouldn't be a stoplight dance. Everyone could dance to it. I just want to honor them by having it played plus I think it is a beautiful song.  
    You're doing FOUR spotlight dances? That's at least one, if not two, too many. Why does everyone else need to watch the bridal party slow dance? I've been to weddings where they do the father/daughter and mother/son dance at the same time and that's really nice. 

    But, I'm finally starting to recognize you, Knottie"IRefuseToAcceptSolutions"Numbers so I'm sure you'll go ahead with this plethora of spotlight dances. Just please make sure the bar is open during them.
    It was just an idea we had. At our friends' wedding they did the same thing where they had the bridal party dance to separate song with them. We had also thought having them join us halfway through our first dance. These were just ideas we are bouncing around. We haven't committed to anything yet with our MC. We will be doing separate father/daughter and mother/son dances which is common. 
  • I don't think you need the bridal party dance - I wouldn't want to do that as a bridal party member. I like dancing, but since it's not my wedding I don't need to be in the spotlight.  It would be super uncomfortable for a lot of people I think.
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  • Casadena said:
    I don't think you need the bridal party dance - I wouldn't want to do that as a bridal party member. I like dancing, but since it's not my wedding I don't need to be in the spotlight.  It would be super uncomfortable for a lot of people I think.
    What do you think of the military dance that my MIL wants us to do?
  • I also think this seems like a lot of dances; but more specifically it doesn’t seem like something to honor veterans but because you MIL wants to dance with her son. Don’t use veterans as an excuse for her to do a redo of his wedding. 

    Have your MIL pick a song and dance with BIL (not a spotlight just a regular song that other people will be dancing to) and make sure your photographer knows to get pictures. 
    ei34short+sassyMesmrEwe
  • I also think this seems like a lot of dances; but more specifically it doesn’t seem like something to honor veterans but because you MIL wants to dance with her son. Don’t use veterans as an excuse for her to do a redo of his wedding. 

    Have your MIL pick a song and dance with BIL (not a spotlight just a regular song that other people will be dancing to) and make sure your photographer knows to get pictures. 
    I agree. I feel like she is using the military dance as an excuse to dance with him. I think leaving it out would be for the best. I think the dance could cause a lot of drama because the step-son isn't close to his own father so to have dance with his father's ex-wife at the wedding could cause hurt feelings. 
  • Casadena said:
    I don't think you need the bridal party dance - I wouldn't want to do that as a bridal party member. I like dancing, but since it's not my wedding I don't need to be in the spotlight.  It would be super uncomfortable for a lot of people I think.
    What do you think of the military dance that my MIL wants us to do?

    that's it's super weird and I wouldn't do it.  You could maybe have a song later in the evening dedicated to those in the military (DJ would announce) and then everyone can dance.  I would not do it as a spotlight.
    short+sassy
  • edited January 2019
    Casadena said:
    Casadena said:
    I don't think you need the bridal party dance - I wouldn't want to do that as a bridal party member. I like dancing, but since it's not my wedding I don't need to be in the spotlight.  It would be super uncomfortable for a lot of people I think.
    What do you think of the military dance that my MIL wants us to do?

    that's it's super weird and I wouldn't do it.  You could maybe have a song later in the evening dedicated to those in the military (DJ would announce) and then everyone can dance.  I would not do it as a spotlight.
    Given everyone's opinions and my fiance and I's feelings, I think we would feel weird having it as a spotlight dance. If she wants to dance with him, then dance with him sometime during the reception. I don't mean to sound bitchy, but if he had wanted to do a mother/son dance with her he would have done one at his own wedding. Also, we are giving all of our guests the opportunity to select a song they would like played at the wedding when they RSVP so if she wants to pick a specific song she would like played and ask him to dance with her then she is more than welcome to. Also, I believe we are going to have our bridal party and parents introduced prior to us being introduced and she said he could be her escort which is fine as long as his wife is doesn't have a problem with it.  
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I think MIL missed the boat here and while it’s sad she feels this way it’s not up to you to fix it. 


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    MesmrEwe
  • I have never heard of a spotlight dance to honor veterans at a wedding, and frankly I don't think it makes much sense. This is just a ploy by your MIL to fix a disappointment from another wedding. I think you should gently tell her no. She can dance with her stepson without it being a spotlight dance. It isn't your problem that she didn't get to do a mother/son dance at his wedding.

    I also think you should drop the bridal party dance. I don't have an issue with separate father/daughter and mother/son dances, but anything beyond those and the first dance is getting to be too much.
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    short+sassyMyNameIsNot
  • Yea - no just on too many levels...  OTOH, could start off the Father/Daughter/Mother/Son dance then work him and other siblings into the mix and get things going in that regard rather than bogging down the entire night with multiple signature dances.  There may have been good reason she didn't get a SM/Son dance at his wedding, but that doesn't mean it gets fixed instantly KWIM..  This way if the other siblings are also involved on both sides it doesn't seem like this is FMIL's FOMO dance...  BUT - this would need to be done such that you/FI don't miss out on your own dance if you're having that signature one yourselves...
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  • MesmrEwe said:
    Yea - no just on too many levels...  OTOH, could start off the Father/Daughter/Mother/Son dance then work him and other siblings into the mix and get things going in that regard rather than bogging down the entire night with multiple signature dances.  There may have been good reason she didn't get a SM/Son dance at his wedding, but that doesn't mean it gets fixed instantly KWIM..  This way if the other siblings are also involved on both sides it doesn't seem like this is FMIL's FOMO dance...  BUT - this would need to be done such that you/FI don't miss out on your own dance if you're having that signature one yourselves...
    The problem with incorporating other children is that his father has four children - three sons and one daughter and two of the children have nothing to do with him - his oldest son and daughter so his father wouldn't have anyone to dance with if mixed it up. I honestly think we are going to have to tell her as nicely, but also as firmly as possible that we aren't going to do the dance. With her, she doesn't like the word no, but we will just have to somehow make her understand that dance would honesty cause more problems.  
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I would tell her that you and your fiance wouldn't want to make guests uncomfortable, and that they would not appreciate being kept off the floor for a spotlight dance that isn't about honoring the principals.
    short+sassy
  • If your FI is keen, he and his brother could split his dance with MIL. 

    Has anyone asked BIL if he WANTS to dance with her?
    short+sassyMesmrEwe
  • If your FI is keen, he and his brother could split his dance with MIL. 

    Has anyone asked BIL if he WANTS to dance with her?
    My fiance thinks the dance is weird. No one has asked BIL because she wanted it to be a surprise. She also had a specific song she wanted to dance with him to. 
  • If your FI is keen, he and his brother could split his dance with MIL. 

    Has anyone asked BIL if he WANTS to dance with her?
    My fiance thinks the dance is weird. No one has asked BIL because she wanted it to be a surprise. She also had a specific song she wanted to dance with him to. 

    Yikes!  That just makes this bad idea even worse.  I would be mortified (and inwardly PO'ed) if a DJ suddenly called me up to be in a spotlight dance that I wasn't expecting.  I'd think most people would have similar feelings.

    If your FI wants to, I also think an option would be to split up the mother/son dance.

    The DJ can play the song she wants at some point in the reception and she can dance with her stepson then.  There's no reason it needs to be a spotlight dance.  It would be odd and just too many spotlight dances.

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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    If your FI is keen, he and his brother could split his dance with MIL. 

    Has anyone asked BIL if he WANTS to dance with her?
    My fiance thinks the dance is weird. No one has asked BIL because she wanted it to be a surprise. She also had a specific song she wanted to dance with him to. 

    Yikes!  That just makes this bad idea even worse.  I would be mortified (and inwardly PO'ed) if a DJ suddenly called me up to be in a spotlight dance that I wasn't expecting.  I'd think most people would have similar feelings.

    If your FI wants to, I also think an option would be to split up the mother/son dance.

    The DJ can play the song she wants at some point in the reception and she can dance with her stepson then.  There's no reason it needs to be a spotlight dance.  It would be odd and just too many spotlight dances.

    Ditto this. It's a bad idea all the way around. 

    banana468MesmrEwe
  • The theme of a wedding is matrimony. Period. There are many other places to honor veterans, fix broken relationships, right ancient wrongs, and shine the light on special people. You don't have to cover all those bases at your wedding.
    downtondivaInLoveInQueensshort+sassy
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    If she really wants to honor her son in the military or veterans in general, there are better ways to do it than forcing the guests at a wedding to watch her do a spotlight dance with her son who isn't the groom.
    short+sassy
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