Dear Prudence,
I’m a bisexual white woman married to a bisexual black man. We have two young daughters. I don’t enjoy spending time in “mommy groups” because it feels like a constant competition to be “ideal” mothers. Also, a lot of these moms seem to put their whole identity into motherhood, and I don’t. I feel like a novelty in these groups; sometimes members will latch onto me as the most interesting person they know, and it’s exhausting. I recently worked a kid’s birthday party (I’m an entertainer) where all of the parents were LGBT couples who seemed to be part of a meetup group. Prudie, I want to go to there! They were all so laid back, easy to talk to, and had interests in common with me. Many also had biracial children. They were giving each other braiding tips in a way that the straight, white mommy groups around here just don’t! I want to be part of a group like that so bad, but I’m hyperaware that as a bi woman married to a man, I would probably not even be welcome. As much as I try to be out, I know I benefit from the privilege of being perceived as straight. My husband and I met at the LGBT support group in college, but when it was formed, there was a great debate as to whether bisexual people should even have been allowed to join. My husband says I should just let it go and try to make friends with the moms I don’t really like if I’m lonely, because I apparently haven’t given them enough of a chance. Whatever that means. Is it so wrong that I want a space where I feel allowed to be weird and queer and not a perfect parent?
—Meetup Anxiety