Not Engaged Yet

S/O: Gifts from HIS exes.

Danie's jewelry thread had me thinking about this:

FI has tons of (well, several) gift-relics of past relationships.  A gym bag, several books, a couple DVDs, etc.  It doesn't bother me at all that he still has and uses that stuff.

For those of you who said they don't wear still wear jewelry given to them by previous SOs, is jewelry different because of it's typically romantic implications?  Or do you just not want to constantly remind your SO that somebody else was there first?  Does he have any ex-girlfriend gifts he still uses?

Re: S/O: Gifts from HIS exes.

  • heyimbrenheyimbren member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    His longest relationship before me was 3 months, sooo I have a feeling there really aren't any relics of that lying around.

    BUT if he did- it would probably depend on what it was and how he felt about it. Like, if it was a DVD I wouldn't care unless he had to watch it every week or something like that (because it was from an ex, not just because he was obsessed with the movie).

    I actually do still have stuff from my exes, but only because I don't know what to do with it. There's nothing valuable, it's all cheap. But it's just in a box in my closet.

    Basically, I think it all comes down to the giver and recipient's sentiments.

  • edited December 2011
    I wanted the money, that was why I sold my jewelry :) And, I never wore any of it because I'm not a huge jewelry person. (I'd rather wear a different $20 chunky necklace that matches my outfit each day).

    We were actually just having this discussion the other day because I'm getting ready to sell my house. I have a pool table that my ex's parents gave us as a house warming gift. He didn't have room for it, so I ended up keeping it. I asked FI if we should keep it for our new house, knowing the story behind it. His response? "HECK YEAH! It's a pool table!!! I don't care who gave it to you! What guy doesn't want a pool table for his man cave?!"

    He has one ink pen that an ex gave him that cost like $300. He still uses it because it writes nice, and I'm not going to buy a pen if he already has one.
    ~~December 3, 2011~~
  • DanieKADanieKA member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Strangely, I don't care about stuff he's gotten from an ex. Random books, or a nice shirt. But part of me thinks that because, like you said, there really isn't the same sentimentality behind those things. 

    I would never ask him to get rid of something rare, or beloved from an ex. A first edition signed copy of his favorite book, or something cool like that, but it would kind of pain me that she got to be the one to get that for him. That she was that thoughtful. 

    I'd like to think every girl that came before me was just a thoughtless [email protected]Wink
  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    BF doesn't have any exes so he doesn't have any gifts from any girls other than me. I had a couple relationships before BF but none of them were very serious. Only one ex ever got me a gift and our relationship didn't end on good terms so I got rid of the things he gave me. So neither of us has any gifts from exes that we still hold on to.


  • edited December 2011

    I just got finished throwing out a lot of stuff that I got from exes... Most of the stuff had been in boxes in the attic and a storage closet in the living room.... The only things I can't seem to part with are the bracelet & rings that my ex bought me even thought I don't wear them...  I guess there is something about wearing jewelry that an ex bought that doesnt feel right.

  • mandi921vhmandi921vh member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    My ex boyfriend gave me some necklaces, and DVDs over the 18 months we dated.

    I kept the DVDs and threw away the necklaces, not only were they cheap/fake but they lost the sentimental value when the relationship ended therefore why would I wear them.

    When my brother and his GF broke up in HS she returned all of the expensive jewelry he gave her, which I thought was a nice gesture considering all of it totaled over $2,000. 
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  • kibo8kibo8 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    BFs ex gave him a lot of clothes, mostly sweatshirts and pj pants. he threw out everything he hated but had only kept to be nice, and i don't mind that he still has the rest. heck, the pj pants are comfy, i wear them more than he does! they are just clothes, and why buy new ones when he has perfectly good ones already?
  • thejessythejessy member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I don't care if he keeps stuff from his exes, as long as it doesn't say "I love you! From So and So" and I have to see it all the time.

    I actually still wear the engagement ring my ex-fiance gave me (we were high school sweethearts who grew up) we ended on good terms and when I tried to give it back, he said I should keep it. AND I picked it out myself, so why shouldn't I? I just wear it on my right hand and I tell my bfs about it if they ask. None have ever had a problem.

    Although when my current bf made some comment about it, I told him I'd wear this one until I got a new one. :P
  • Elle1036Elle1036 member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_gifts-his-exes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6941aaa3-9de1-4c0e-9ef7-13fecacac6e1Post:d890f6f3-4f39-4e8c-8c29-85631c266c27">Re: S/O: Gifts from HIS exes.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't care if he keeps stuff from his exes, as long as it doesn't say "I love you! From So and So" and I have to see it all the time. I actually still wear the engagement ring my ex-fiance gave me (we were high school sweethearts who grew up) we ended on good terms and when I tried to give it back, he said I should keep it. AND I picked it out myself, so why shouldn't I? I just wear it on my right hand and I tell my bfs about it if they ask. None have ever had a problem. Although when my current bf made some comment about it, I told him I'd wear this one until I got a new one. :P
    Posted by thejinx[/QUOTE]

    Hmmm...  I find this a little strange.  I don't blame you for keeping it as a memento, especially since, as you say, the relationship ended on good terms.  Wearing it on a regular basis, though?  Right hand or not, I find that a little strange.
  • calindicalindi member
    5000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    My guy has an inexpensive watch his ex got him as a present once.  It's the only non-athletic watch he owns, so he wears it on almost a daily basis.  It's never bothered me at all.  But I think the reason it doesn't bother me is because he doesn't associate it in any way, shape, or form with her - it's a watch, and that's all it means to him.  He has no emotional attachment to it at all.

    I don't think he really has anything else she gave him.  She was a taker, not a giver.

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  • thejessythejessy member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I didn't wear it for a long time after we broke up (we've been broken up for 8 years) but I started to a few years ago because I figured, if I'm not gonna sell it then why do I keep it in a box hidden away? It's beautiful and doesn't look like a typical e-ring so why not? i don't ever think about my ex, he's happily married and I'm so happy we didn't get married (we ended up wanting drastically different things, of course, what else do you discover in college?) so to me it's just a beautiful gift I received. I know it is a little strange and people have told me, but I'm cool with it. :)
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_gifts-his-exes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6941aaa3-9de1-4c0e-9ef7-13fecacac6e1Post:af229c49-4d66-47c5-aa1f-1cfd451a4416">Re: S/O: Gifts from HIS exes.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: S/O: Gifts from HIS exes. : Hmmm...  I find this a little strange.  I don't blame you for keeping it as a memento, especially since, as you say, the relationship ended on good terms.  Wearing it on a regular basis, though?  Right hand or not, I find that a little strange.
    Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]

    I have to agree. I was engaged, and I didn't want to ever see the ring again, because of what it meant. But, Emily wore her original engagement ring on The Bachelor, so to each their own :)
    ~~December 3, 2011~~
  • thejessythejessy member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Well, we had a really great relationship and he was with me when my dad died. He's a wonderful person and I'm glad that he is doing well. So I don't have any negative ties to it and it does remind me that great love exists, it's just that we changed and that happens and we accepted it. I know it's a rare situation to be in so I wouldn't expect many people to understand how I feel about it. At the same time I would feel guilty selling it off..
  • Elle1036Elle1036 member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Ember and I aren't judging you, Jinx.  We're just stating our opinions.  I'm glad that you have such positive feelings toward your old relationship, and I would probably keep the ring myself if I were you.  I'm just not sure if I would wear it on a regular basis.
  • luvdncn90luvdncn90 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I honestly don't think M has anything from his ex and if he did it must not be anything big because he's never mentioned it. When we first started dating I was looking at his pictures and he had this picture of her in a slutty little halloween costume. I was pretty pissed and he deleted it right away.

    I don't have anything given to me from past exes. I threw it all away.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_gifts-his-exes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6941aaa3-9de1-4c0e-9ef7-13fecacac6e1Post:fa517098-d7cc-49e2-b4c5-aa96a8629014">Re: S/O: Gifts from HIS exes.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well, <strong>we had a really great relationship</strong> and he was with me when my dad died. He's a wonderful person and I'm glad that he is doing well. So I don't have any negative ties to it and it does remind me that great love exists, it's just that we changed and that happens and we accepted it. I know it's a rare situation to be in so I wouldn't expect many people to understand how I feel about it. At the same time I would feel guilty selling it off..
    Posted by thejinx[/QUOTE]

    That is where we differ :) My relationship didn't end well. That is great that you were able to break things off and each move on and remain friends. I think most people couldn't do that, I commend you for that!  :)
    ~~December 3, 2011~~
  • mandi921vhmandi921vh member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_gifts-his-exes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:6941aaa3-9de1-4c0e-9ef7-13fecacac6e1Post:ef908e45-efaa-42d9-98ff-04dc0d73b56a">Re: S/O: Gifts from HIS exes.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: S/O: Gifts from HIS exes. : I have to agree. I was engaged, and I didn't want to ever see the ring again, because of what it meant. But, <strong>Emily wore her original engagement ring on The Bachelor</strong>, so to each their own :)
    Posted by Ember01[/QUOTE]

    <div>This is not the same because it was the same guy and that was technically the first time she was able to wear her e-ring since taping ended to keep the finale a secret, she never gave the ring back.</div><div>
    </div><div>If FI and I were to break up I would give the ring back, because he paid for it, plus what will I do with it, keeping it would be weird. If I was a guy I would have a hard time dating a girl who wore her e-ring an ex gave her, but that's just me, whatever floats your boat. </div>
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  • Elle1036Elle1036 member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I think Ember was talking about the ring that Emily's first (deceased) fiance gave her.
  • PandaBurrPandaBurr member
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I had a pretty heart diamond halo ring that my ex gave me. I kept it for a while. Wore it a few times, but then sold it for the cash, haha. FI didn't care whether or not I wore it. It's just jewelry, but I think I've established how I feel about jewelry and such already, haha.

    FI has a trunk FULL of junk in our spare bedroom closet. Like 98% of it is paperwork from his undergrad and some stuff from high school, but I do know there is a pair of VS panties in there that aren't mine, haha. It's actually kind of hilarious. When we first started dating, I saw the trunk in his closet and asked him what was in it (it's HUGE, green, and very old looking), and he told me I could look if I wanted. I opened it and saw a Disneyland bag (I ALWAYS notice Disney stuff first), however, the first thing he noticed were the panties. I didn't even see them. So next thing I know he's jumping over me to slam it shut. By now I'm REALLY curious about what he's hiding, and he sheepishly opens it and shows me and is REALLY embarrassed. I laughed so hard at him that night for thinking I would care (especially that early on in our relationship). I'm pretty sure it's still in there, but that's only because when we moved, he just grabbed the trunk and never went through it. Honestly, I'd rather him get rid of the whole trunk than just the panties. Panties don't take up a three foot high section of the closet.
  • Hazel_BHazel_B member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    This thread has gotten me thinking.

    Is it bad that I have no idea what gifts of FI's exes are laying around the house? We've just never talked about it.
  • thejessythejessy member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Ember... thanks! Considering some of the bad relationships I've had I'm glad I managed to stay friends with the good ones... :P

    Hazel... I don't think that's bad. If he received gifts that are useful, then of course they are going to blend in with every day stuff. If he's keeping around photo frames and crystal ducks, that's a different story...
  • LizzyTish88LizzyTish88 member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_gifts-his-exes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:6941aaa3-9de1-4c0e-9ef7-13fecacac6e1Post:216b6b45-65ef-4166-a8f7-8c48d41045ce">Re: S/O: Gifts from HIS exes.</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>BF doesn't have any exes so he doesn't have any gifts from any girls other than me. I had a couple relationships before BF but none of them were very serious.</strong> Only one ex ever got me a gift and our relationship didn't end on good terms so I got rid of the things he gave me. So neither of us has any gifts from exes that we still hold on to.
    Posted by bethsmiles[/QUOTE]

    This. I don't have much from ex's other than pictures, notes, and stuffed animals. I might have some stuffed animals around with all my old childhood stuff, but I don't sleep with them or anything LOL. If he did have anything from any ex's, it would depend on what it actually was for me to know if I would get mad about it.
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  • Wrkn925Wrkn925 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_gifts-his-exes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:6941aaa3-9de1-4c0e-9ef7-13fecacac6e1Post:9f784e25-5b60-4583-bb2c-b97c37d20841">Re: S/O: Gifts from HIS exes.</a>:
    [QUOTE]My guy has an inexpensive watch his ex got him as a present once.  <strong>It's the only non-athletic watch he owns</strong>, so he wears it on almost a daily basis.  It's never bothered me at all.  But I think the reason it doesn't bother me is because he doesn't associate it in any way, shape, or form with her - it's a watch, and that's all it means to him.  He has no emotional attachment to it at all. I don't think he really has anything else she gave him.  She was a taker, not a giver.
    Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

    *In a singsongy voice* Not for long....

    I've never talked to BF about Ex stuff.  I actually don't know what he has.  I had a split second after I had his watch repaired that I kind of wondered how it was initially purchased.
    I have two small boxes, one from each relationship at my Mom's house.

    I had a exBF that liked to 'pimp' my car. He bought me the ground lights, two 12' speakers, the box, an after market radio, K&N filter, some kind of fuel chip, blah blah blah.  Anyway, I sold the car. Not because he put stuff in it, but because it was rolling over to 100K miles and I was going to lose money if I didn't sell it.

    I actually pulled the speakers out first.  They were 12' Audobahns.  I sold them and the box for almost $300.  (To current BF's brother.)
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  • motoLynmotoLyn member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    FI dated lots of girls before me, though they never lasted long enough to exchange gifts.  So the only thing I know he has from a ex is a jacket that she gave him cause she ran a clothing store and it was something she got for free.  I knew that girl she was a  total [email protected]  But the jacket itself I don't care if he wears it, hell I wear it.  But FI was nice to ask at the beginning if it bothered me.  I didn't mention it in the other thread, but I do have some jewelry from previous EXs, two rings and a necklace.  I don't wear rings much so those just stay in the back of the jewelry box, one ex gave me a tiffany ring and I in turn gave that to me roomate.  It no longer fit cause it was too loose and I couldn't resize it.  The only other piece of jewelry was a engraved locket of ex and my name. The ex that gave me the locket ended engaged to the ex of FI who gave him the jacket.  It was scandalous for us when FI and I hooked up. 
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_gifts-his-exes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:6941aaa3-9de1-4c0e-9ef7-13fecacac6e1Post:93037c52-4008-4b6d-9ea4-598896ce402f">Re: S/O: Gifts from HIS exes.</a>:
    [QUOTE]This thread has gotten me thinking. Is it bad that I have no idea what gifts of FI's exes are laying around the house? We've just never talked about it.
    Posted by Hazel_B[/QUOTE]

    Same here although I doubt he really has anything at all as I am his first really serious relationship.
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