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Etiquette

Small, intimate wedding announcement?

Hello! I am at a loss here and could really use some input. FH and I have decided to have a small, intimate wedding (immediate family and close friends only), cutting about 90 people from our guest list. This is both to save money and to simply keep the day easygoing and enjoyable.

I feel very conflicted about the idea of just NOT announcing anything about our wedding and then seeing my extended family on Christmas and having them find out then that Surprise! We are married! Or having them see Facebook photos. I could send announcements after the fact but I still wonder if it's hurtful that they wouldn't even know our wedding was coming. 

My family is super easygoing and I honestly think most of them will understand (and the ones who we didn't expect to have already been informed privately). I thought about making a Facebook post saying something along the lines of "we are so blessed to have so many great people in our lives, etc. However, we want our wedding to be small and intimate..." and so on. I can't decide if this is tacky, though. However, it feels silly reaching out to everyone individually to say "Hey I'm getting married and you're not invited!!!" I just don't want people to EXPECT and invite and then be hurt when they don't get one and think it's about them, etc. As NONE of our aunts, uncles, cousins are being invited.


I could really use some advice on how to navigate this. We will NOT see most of these people again before our wedding day.

Re: Small, intimate wedding announcement?

  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    yknot said:

    Hello! I am at a loss here and could really use some input. FH and I have decided to have a small, intimate wedding (immediate family and close friends only), cutting about 90 people from our guest list. This is both to save money and to simply keep the day easygoing and enjoyable.

    I feel very conflicted about the idea of just NOT announcing anything about our wedding and then seeing my extended family on Christmas and having them find out then that Surprise! We are married! Or having them see Facebook photos. I could send announcements after the fact but I still wonder if it's hurtful that they wouldn't even know our wedding was coming. 

    My family is super easygoing and I honestly think most of them will understand (and the ones who we didn't expect to have already been informed privately). I thought about making a Facebook post saying something along the lines of "we are so blessed to have so many great people in our lives, etc. However, we want our wedding to be small and intimate..." and so on. I can't decide if this is tacky, though. However, it feels silly reaching out to everyone individually to say "Hey I'm getting married and you're not invited!!!" I just don't want people to EXPECT and invite and then be hurt when they don't get one and think it's about them, etc. As NONE of our aunts, uncles, cousins are being invited.


    I could really use some advice on how to navigate this. We will NOT see most of these people again before our wedding day.

    Yeah you really don't need to do anything here. You could send announcements if you want, but you don't have to. DEFINITELY don't make a facebook post or anything like the bolded. You can share pics or anything as you want but I do think it would be pretty tacky to make a general post about how wonderful everyone is but not wonderful enough to be at the wedding (I know this probably isn't your mindset here but it will look like it!). I'm jumping to a conclusion here and assuming you have parents, grandparents or siblings that are invited. Will any of them speak to anyone else in the family? There's a pretty good chance word of mouth will take care of this. 

    I had a small wedding and no one was confused by it or waiting by the mailbox for their invitation. 
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    OurWildKingdomlevioosa
  • I was lucky enough to get engaged before I had a Facebook account but I'm a big fan of what a good friend of mine did: after her wedding she posted about it.   On occasion her FI would be in her posts but she didn't change status or indicate anything.

    I'd leave your wedding out of social media until it happens and even then, I'd throw up a few photos to show that it's done.  
    MesmrEweOurWildKingdom
  • ei34ei34 member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I have a large family (Dad one of six, mom one of nine, 30+ first cousins etc.).  Cousins who want the small intimate wedding have them.  We hear about it through word of mouth from the aunt or uncle whose kid is getting married.  Sometimes a wedding announcement goes out in the mail after the fact.  I love the pics of fb and instagram.  

    You def don’t need a written explanation as to why people aren’t invited. (Unless you’d previously sent STD’s, if so let those people know the change in plans.)  The only thing is the only guests who can be invited to pre-wedding parties are those invited to your wedding.  But an intimate wedding is a great choice, Ive never felt slighted in my large family when I don’t make the cut.
    OurWildKingdomshort+sassyInLoveInQueens
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    PP's have it covered. Don't post an apology as to why people aren't invited. It is perfectly acceptable to send out announcements after the wedding to family and friends but isn't necessary. People understand that they can't be invited to every wedding that happens. 
    OurWildKingdomdowntondiva
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    yknot said:

    Hello! I am at a loss here and could really use some input. FH and I have decided to have a small, intimate wedding (immediate family and close friends only), cutting about 90 people from our guest list. This is both to save money and to simply keep the day easygoing and enjoyable.

    I feel very conflicted about the idea of just NOT announcing anything about our wedding and then seeing my extended family on Christmas and having them find out then that Surprise! We are married! Or having them see Facebook photos. I could send announcements after the fact but I still wonder if it's hurtful that they wouldn't even know our wedding was coming. 

    My family is super easygoing and I honestly think most of them will understand (and the ones who we didn't expect to have already been informed privately). I thought about making a Facebook post saying something along the lines of "we are so blessed to have so many great people in our lives, etc. However, we want our wedding to be small and intimate..." and so on. I can't decide if this is tacky, though. However, it feels silly reaching out to everyone individually to say "Hey I'm getting married and you're not invited!!!" I just don't want people to EXPECT and invite and then be hurt when they don't get one and think it's about them, etc. As NONE of our aunts, uncles, cousins are being invited.


    I could really use some advice on how to navigate this. We will NOT see most of these people again before our wedding day.

    It sounds like you've already tried to prevent some damage control, whether that was wise or not.  To do anything else seems moot since you say the remainder are understanding and easygoing.  
    There will always be those who assume/expect an invitation.  That is not on you.  Depending on your personal family dynamics, some may be put out that friends made the cut over family, but again, you have every right to make your choices.


    charlotte989875OurWildKingdom
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    We had a very small wedding and didn’t announce it on Facebook till afterwards. We also kept details of wedding planning to ourselves and the few people we invited.
    short+sassy
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