Dear Prudence,
My very close friend has a chronic degenerative illness. They’re quite private about their diagnosis and don’t tell people unless they “need to know.” Lately they’ve been doing well, but it’s always something they need to be mindful of. Last year my aunt was diagnosed with the same condition. My aunt is deteriorating very quickly (this illness progresses at different rates in different people). Often I won’t find out how badly she’s doing until I hear from someone who bumped into her how surprised they were by how frail she is. I’m scared of losing her. I want to talk to my friend about this—they’re the person I usually go to when things get tough—but I don’t want to be unkind or unfair by talking about the worst-case scenario for the illness they have. In some ways, I feel like they’re the only person I know who understands the roller coaster of ups and downs that goes along with this illness. Is it selfish to go to them for support in this? I haven’t said anything for months, and I know if my aunt dies, I’ll be devastated. Her condition isn’t a sure death sentence, but things won’t get better from here.
—Aunt Dying of Friend’s Illness