Dear Prudence,
I’m estranged from my adult children, “Alice” and “Noah.” I divorced their abusive father when they were toddlers. I couldn’t afford a lawyer, and my ex got full custody. I fought for years to see my kids, but their father said I abandoned them. When I eventually remarried and had two more children, they believed I had replaced them. Nothing could be further from the truth; I ache for them always. When they were in their early 20s, I told Alice and Noah about their father’s abuse. They accused me of being a manipulative liar, and we didn’t speak for years. Now Alice is pregnant and has reached out to me: If I admit that I lied about the abuse and go to counseling with her and Noah, I could maybe be a part of my grandchild’s life. Having a relationship with my older children is my wildest dream. I thought I’d do anything to re-establish contact. But my ex didn’t just push me when he was angry; he threw me into walls, punched me in the head, and came close to choking me. I don’t know if I can lie and say that never happened. Am I being selfish? A mother should do anything for her kids, right?
—Kids Want to Erase My Abuse