Daughters in a 'love triangle'.

mrsconn23 · March 2019

Dear Prudence,

I have two daughters, 27-year-old “Lilah” and 20-year-old “Lisa.” Lilah dated “Andrew,” 29, for four years. She was gutted when he broke up with her last year. Lisa recently confessed that she ran into Andrew at a bar, they reconnected, and they’re falling in love. Lisa wants help telling Lilah about their romance. She thinks there’s a chance that Lilah could be happy for them. I’ve tried to explain to Lisa how and why Lilah will be deeply hurt by this, but Lisa (in part due to immaturity) thinks love “should be given a chance.” I don’t know what to do. Lisa has always looked up to Lilah, and maybe this is her trying to emulate her older sister? I am pretty grossed out by Andrew, and I worry about the fallout to my family.

—Mister vs. Sister

ShesSoCold · March 2019

Ouch.

Are there seriously only the four men?!

charlotte989875 · March 2019

I think she’s right to be concerned, this sounds like a recipe for family disaster. I’d tell Lisa, again, how hurt Lilah will likely be by this, but ultimately Lisa is an adult who has to make decisions for herself (even if they’re the wrong ones). I’d encourage Lisa to tell Lilah herself because she’ll likely find out soon, and it’s going to be far worse is Lisa hears from someone else, or learns other people knew and didn’t tell her.

mrsconn23 · March 2019

ShesSoCold said:

Are there seriously only the four men?!

Right?

My mom joked with us when growing up that the house rule was no dating each other's boyfriends. She kind of kidding, but it would have been a shitshow if it really had happened. We never liked the same dudes. I did date a guy who was in love with my sister and it was...uncomfortable...to say the least.

My older sister's BFF dated my sister's HS BF while they were all in college and that was an awful nightmare. Thankfully, their friendship survived and that guy is long gone. But it was high fucking drama for awhile.

climbingsingle · March 2019

Hoooooooooooly shit. This is a bad situation.

mrsconn23 · March 2019

charlotte989875 said:

I think she’s right to be concerned, this sounds like a recipe for family disaster. I’d tell Lisa, again, how hurt Lilah will likely be by this, but ultimately Lisa is an adult who has to make decisions for herself (even if they’re the wrong ones). I’d encourage Lisa to tell Lilah herself because she’ll likely find out soon, and it’s going to be far worse is Lisa hears from someone else, or learns other people knew and didn’t tell her.

If I were the mom, I'd tell Lisa that she's got about a day to get her shit together and tell her sister, or else I am going to do it. Because there's no way that Lilah won't feel betrayed by mom if she sits on it for much longer and she should not be protecting Lisa's 'secret' to the detriment of Lilah. You want to adult, welcome to fucking adulting...own your shit.

ShesSoCold · March 2019

Yeah, here I thought I was a jerk for dating (marrying) my ex boyfriend's best friend. At least he wasn't my sister's freaking ex!

I also just re-read the ages. Nine years isn't always a big age difference but I think 20 - 29 is. Lisa is young and immature and if she doesn't get her head out of her ass, she may lose her sister forever.

short+sassy · March 2019

I think what's always a bit bs in these stories is the attitude of "give love a chance" and "you can't help who you fall in love with".

Oh, but you know what you can control, Lisa? Not going on that first date to begin with, with your sister's recent longtime ex who was heartbroken by him. Especially since it is not like Andrew is part of her friend group and she hung out with him a lot. I could maybe understand feelings growing from that, though it's still not cool. But this was a chance encounter at a bar and Lisa should have left it at a "hi, whatcha been up to?, bye".

Unfortunately, there isn't much the mom can do. Even if Lisa sees the error of her ways and breaks up with Andrew, the damage is already done and Lilah needs to know about it. The one thing the mom definitely needs to do is tell Lisa she is no longer keeping this secret from Lilah and, either Lisa tells her, or she will.

VarunaTT · March 2019

I am also grossed out by Andrew. I feel like he's an asshole, taking advantage of starry-eyed Lisa to get back at Lilah. I'd be sure to let Lisa know that and yeah, I agree with telling Lisa to talk to Lilah or I'm going to. There's literally no way for this to be anything but hurtful to everyone involved. Lisa need to take one for the damn team and stop seeing this person. I'd feel differently if this were like 5 years or more down the road, but 1 year out of a 4 year relationship is still pretty painful.

Casadena · March 2019

I could never in 12039875219287235 million years date someone who my sister (almost positively) slept with. So much ew.

BUT if that doesn't bother the sister I could maybe buy the whole "we reconnected" thing if it was like 5 years post break-up and everyone had moved on. It might be a little awkward, but in my mind there's less of an ick factor. That it's so soon is gross.

LW should give Lisa a deadline to tell her sister or break the news herself - hiding it isn't going to help anyone.

ei34 · March 2019

Ick. Ew. Andrew’s a creep and Lisa’s immature. And if Lilah was really “gutted” when Andrew dumped her, Lisa is also a crappy sister. Agree that I’d tell Lisa that I was letting Lilah know ASAP. LW keeping it from Lilah only makes it worse.

MyNameIsNot · March 2019

Andrew is gross. Andrew dated the sister for 4 years, ending a year ago. That means Lisa was 15 when Andrew started coming around. She should seem like a little kid to him, even though she's technically an adult.

Gross.

short+sassy · March 2019

MyNameIsNot said:

Andrew is gross. Andrew dated the sister for 4 years, ending a year ago. That means Lisa was 15 when Andrew started coming around. She should seem like a little kid to him, even though she's technically an adult.

Gross.

OMG, I did not do that math and make that connection. Majorly creepy.

I already side-eyed a little bit that she was 20 and he was 29. Like someone else mentioned, although a 9 year age difference isn't normally that big of a deal, it is a little ick when the younger person is just out of their teens.

kerbohl · March 2019

This sounds like the situation from "To All the Boys I've Loved Before" between Josh and Lara Jean, aside from the age differences. And I will say no more to avoid spoilers.
I don't like Andrew. Only one year goes by and he's dating the younger sister? No, just no.

littlemushroom · March 2019

kerbohl said:

This sounds like the situation from "To All the Boys I've Loved Before" between Josh and Lara Jean, aside from the age differences. And I will say no more to avoid spoilers.
I don't like Andrew. Only one year goes by and he's dating the younger sister? No, just no.

SITB

I really enjoyed that movie!

Daughters in a 'love triangle'.

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