Wedding Woes

Sister Wedding Woe

Hi y'all. I'm the MOH for my little sister's upcoming wedding and she's having a sad moment as she waits to tell one of her besties about the wedding.

CW: Infertility

So her two best friends are twins (K and C) and she's wanting to tell them she's getting married. However, she and FI had planned to wait a little while and come out with everything around summer. She recently found out she's pregnant and they want to move the wedding up since their original timeline would have put her walking down the aisle close to her due date, or with a new born. Unfortunately, one of the twins (K, married two years now) is struggling with infertility. They've started seeing specialists and have started the process of shots to help increase chances, etc. They've been TTC since marriage.

My sister is putting off telling the twins because she doesn't want to cause K any sorrow or make her feel like she's rubbing it in her face. I just wanted to console with y'all and see if anyone has experienced similar so I can give her sympathy and help her be a compassionate friend. My sister has been close with K since she was seven, so this is a very dear friendship to her. I don't think K would hold it against her, because they're like sisters, but I understand that my sis wants to be the best friend she can be. Any advice would be awesome.





Re: Sister Wedding Woe

  • It sounds like your sister is trying to be a really good friend, in what’s a really tough time for her friend. I think it’s better for your sister to tell her friend sooner and not wait until summer, especially if she has told other people. I imagine K would be hurt if she found out your sister told other people, but kept it from her. Like PPs have said, she should tell her personally and give her space to have her feelings about it. 
  • I don't have any other advice to give, but just wanted to give you and your sister props for being concerned about your friend and asking from a place of compassion and not irritation or having to fix a situation that went badly.

    @STARMOON44 one of my really good friends kept it close for a few months afterwards b/c her and her fiancee were private people, there were some family issues at play, and they didn't want to have to deal with all of the "when is the wedding, am I invited" nonsense and just enjoy being engaged for a bit.  I'll admit to feeling a bit sad I didn't know right away, but I told myself I didn't have a right to know right away and to stop it.  :smile:
  • I think she should tell the twins ASAP about both, in a setting that allows K to vent whatever feelings she has about it privately.

    Like everyone above says, she can't control K's reaction, but she can exercise a certain amount of tact and accept that K may not be able or willing to squeal with joy, jump up and down and throw her arms around your sister or even express happiness for her right now. That said, keeping her marriage and pregnancy a secret from K and her twin is insulting to them. I would be insulted in K's situation to discover that my best friend kept her marriage and pregnancy a secret from me.


  • I think the potential issue issue is if they’re telling people other than K, and K finds out they kept it from her because of how they think K might react. I’d be really hurt if a close close friend told other people she was engaged & pregnant, but didn’t tell me because I was going through something.

    Exactly. I would feel patronized if someone withheld information from me because she thought I might not be able to take it. K is an adult. She probably will feel conflicted about this, but OP's sister can respect her dignity by telling her privately and matter-of-factly her news.
  • Thanks for all the advice. I really appreciate it all.

    On the keeping quiet subject-- I'm the only person who knows so far. They're planning to tell before Easter, but figuring out everything now. Pretty much everyone knows that the two were loosely planning to get married this winter, though they hadn't set a date for sure yet. So she hasn't been keeping it specifically from the twins, but among all of her worries is worrying about K. I think she currently plans to tell the twins before coming out with everything.





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