• Images
  • Text
  • Find a Couple + Registry
GO
Etiquette

Inviting sister’s bf’s kids to rehearsal dinner?

Hey there,

I just found out that my step-sister is inviting her boyfriend and his 3 kids to our wedding. (Which is totally fine, but a heads up would’ve been nice ha!) But it’s getting a little sticky with the rehearsal dinner because they obviously weren’t on my MIL’s original list. I was already including her and her three kids for the dinner, but now should I include her boyfriend’s three kids as well (all teenagers).

I’m okay with it, but my mom suggested that since I don’t know them and they aren’t technically wedding party that we don’t include them. But that feels rude to me.  

What do do you think? 

Re: Inviting sister’s bf’s kids to rehearsal dinner?

  • Hey there,

    I just found out that my step-sister is inviting her boyfriend and his 3 kids to our wedding. (Which is totally fine, but a heads up would’ve been nice ha!) But it’s getting a little sticky with the rehearsal dinner because they obviously weren’t on my MIL’s original list. I was already including her and her three kids for the dinner, but now should I include her boyfriend’s three kids as well (all teenagers).

    I’m okay with it, but my mom suggested that since I don’t know them and they aren’t technically wedding party that we don’t include them. But that feels rude to me.  

    What do do you think? 
    You’re right, that is pretty rude. You Step-Sisters BF should have been invited to the wedding and the rehearsal from the beginning since they’re in a relationship. She shouldn’t have had to give you a heads up he was coming because he needed to be invited by name to both events. 

    Youre free to invite kids (or not) but I think you’re right to include them especially if you’re inviting her kids. 
    knottieedc5f61a74bc5e8dMyNameIsNot
  • I was talking about the heads up for the 3 kids. He’s a new boyfriend. I didn’t know. Thanks!!
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Even in a new relationship, kids of each of the partners should be treated the same. If you're inviting your sister's kids, you need to invite her partner's kids. If this were an adult only event, you wouldn't need to invite any of them. She shouldn't have had to give you a heads up, you should have invited them from the get-go.

    Your mom is being rude and short sighted. Yes, it may be a new relationship, but these may be your nieces and nephews one day. There's no reason to start out with an exclusionary attitude. Your sister is in a relationship. Embrace them. 
    ShesSoCold
  • That's what I thought. Thanks!
    charlotte989875MesmrEwe
  • Yes, boyfriend was a no-brainer. I mostly wanted to show to my mom that it was, in fact, rude to exclude his kids. It's a destination wedding, and no one is bringing their kids (by choice), other than our nieces and nephews (which these bf's kids could one day be!) But if people wanted to bring their kids, they were welcome to. 

    There's of course a deeper family story here for my mom's initial hesitation, so she's not being intentionally short-sighted, BUT I just wanted to show her that inviting them is the most polite thing regardless. Thank you guys!
    thisismynickname2MyNameIsNotInLoveInQueenscharlotte989875
  • She also says thank you. ;)
    thisismynickname2
  • So that was my mom's thinking on inviting them to an out-of-town wedding altogether. And also, hoping to protect them and my own nieces and nephews from any confusion/extra heartache should things not work out. (Since it's so new, and they're all children of two divorces.) That's where it got sticky. 

  • We're going to invite them and welcome them with open arms, but that was my mom's initial hesitation.
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Even in a new relationship, kids of each of the partners should be treated the same. If you're inviting your sister's kids, you need to invite her partner's kids. If this were an adult only event, you wouldn't need to invite any of them. She shouldn't have had to give you a heads up, you should have invited them from the get-go.

    Your mom is being rude and short sighted. Yes, it may be a new relationship, but these may be your nieces and nephews one day. There's no reason to start out with an exclusionary attitude. Your sister is in a relationship. Embrace them. 
    I don't necessarily agree with this. Yes the BF should be invited. Depending on the situation would dictate if the kids should be invited. After reading further, I would agree the kids should be invited: it's a destination wedding and other children are invited or are allowed to attend. However, if it were a local wedding and only family children are allowed to attend I don't think the children of a new BF (so new that the sister didn't know he existed) need to be included - especially teenagers. Teenagers ( and I was a teenager when my father started dating my now step-mother) can be very uncomfortable in a family wedding/event situation. 
    If the teens are uncomfortable, they can decline. That doesn't mean the hosts should automatically exclude them. 

    It's 2019. Blended families are common. Splitting up the children of partners based on who is blood related to whom is old fashioned and exclusionary. The polite route is to treat all the kids the same, just as you would if they were blood related. Yes, it is a new relationship, but it is established enough that the sister is holding him out as a boyfriend. Just as it's not a host's place to judge the seriousness of a relationship, a host also doesn't decide when the relationship is established enough to include both partners' kids. (And, these people are established enough that he's bringing his children to his girlfriend's family wedding out of town. That's generally not a sign of a fling.)
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    So that was my mom's thinking on inviting them to an out-of-town wedding altogether. And also, hoping to protect them and my own nieces and nephews from any confusion/extra heartache should things not work out. (Since it's so new, and they're all children of two divorces.) That's where it got sticky. 

    But that's really not up to you and your mother to decide, and quite frankly, that's incredibly rude. 

  • Totally agree. I'm also a child of divorce, with remarried parents who all get along. So we're already pretty blended. Why not keep sharing the love? I think my mom gets it now. Thanks.
    InLoveInQueenscharlotte989875
  • Thank you for being frank. I might not have posted here so honestly and humanly if I knew I'd get such backlash. We just wanted to confirm we were doing the best thing before we did it. Thank you.
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    Thank you for being frank. I might not have posted here so honestly and humanly if I knew I'd get such backlash. We just wanted to confirm we were doing the best thing before we did it. Thank you.
    Backlash? You mean "answers"? What were you expecting here? 
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    STARMOON44
  • You're right. Hah. Thank you.
  • edited March 20
    Yah that's kinda rude.
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards