Okay, some back story: I got engaged June 2018. I asked my BFF since 6th grade to be my MOH and she happily agreed. A few months later, she herself got engaged, but decided to wait until 2020 to get married so that way we could be MOH in each others weddings. At the time of my engagement to she was working a not-so-great job that made her miserable and was commuting for school on the weekends (a commute of several hours). Her fiance is a pastor, which obviously comes with its own social engagements.
First, I am attempting to pick a date and am making sure what works with her (yeah, I know, you should pick a date before you ask someone to be your MOH but we are basically sisters). Any weekend I pick out doesn't work for her. So we finally settle on a Friday. Fine, we are having the wedding at my grandfather's farm, so no big deal. I should also note that all this arranging is because we had asked her fiance to officiate our wedding (even though all the dates I suggested were Saturdays). Also one of the excuses for dismissing a date I proposed was that she would miss Pride (they are an LGBTQ couple). I know it's important to them, but Pride happens every year; I've never been married before and do not plan to again.
Second, I'm a fairly easy-going bride so I was going to give my girls (who were totaling at 4, including MOH) my color scheme and they could pick their own bridesmaid dresses. MOH picks one out that worked for all the girls. Several months later I ask them to order their dress, so that way if it needed tailoring, there would be plenty of time. She asks why they had to order it so soon, because she is short on money. I should also note at this point she had gotten a new job that paid her 3X as much. And also, she picked out the dress so she knew the price. She sees that if she orders it any later it will not be here in time for the wedding, so she finally orders it.
Third, since I knew my MOH was short on money and time, I decided to plan my own bachelorette party. She was working and going to school, and I am just going to school. Originally we had an arranged a lowkey weekend at a hotel with a spa day. I also arranged this back in July 2018 because one of my bridesmaids lives faraway and I wanted to give her plenty of time to arrange flights. We had settled on the days. But as the dates grew nearer, she kept suggesting things that weren't really for me. More of a girl's night in, instead of going out to do things. So I suggested we stick closer to home instead of going to the hotel which was several more hours away, because there were more things to do closer and it would gives us more time to do things. They all agreed that was fine (we didn't have any financial obligations at that point). But when it came to finding an AirBnB and planning things, she starting wondering if instead of 3 days, we could just do 2? And instead of doing all these activities, we could just do more night-in things, due to financial reasons. I told all of them that I would help financially by paying for all the activities but I would really like some help paying for the AirBnB ($75 each) and that maybe instead of 3 nights at the airbnb we would just do 2 and spend one at my apartment. It was all agreed upon.
Two weeks before the bachelorette she and her fiance go to Las Vegas to see a concert. A concert that my MOH didn't even really want to go to, but went just because her fiance was going. Then they went to see her fiance's family in Arizona. She got back a week before the bachelorette and I hardly heard from her. The day of the bachelorette party I text her to figure out car things, and she backs out of the first night. I told her I was hurt, that this was important to me. She said she was tired from travelling so much and might have caught a cold on the plane. She knows she easily catches bugs on planes; it literally happens every time she travels. They booked this Las Vegas thing AFTER we picked out the date of the bachelorette. So, she backs out of the entire weekend.
Fourth, my fiance has seen how my MOH action's have affected me. She has backed out of several social dates before this that were just the four of us. He doesn't care for her. He told me that if anything like that happened at my bachelorette, he wanted to find someone else to officiate for us. When I tell him what happened, he messages my MOH fiance and very politely explains that we have chosen someone else to officiate for us. Later that day, both my MOH and her fiance blocked me on every social media and will not respond to my texts.
Honestly, I do not have very many female friends and had another bridesmaid back out before this. I'm more hurt that my MOH would block me rather than talk to me. I just feel so devastated right now and I have no idea if she still wants to be a part of my wedding or not.
Apologies this is so long, but I just need to know if I am being crazy.