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This week's 'use your words'!

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
in Wedding Woes
Dear Prudence,

I live in Seattle, a city where so many young professionals are so bad at navigating public spaces politely that a local paper recently published a guide on how to ride the bus. I’m also soft-spoken and felt invisible until after college, and I suffer from some anxiety around asking strangers to do something. Recently I’ve noticed a trend of people invading my personal space without acknowledging me. This week I was sitting in a beer garden when one woman recognized another behind me, and then they had a five-minute networking session, each standing less than a foot from my face. I loudly cleared my throat during this whole interaction, but the two made no indication they had noticed me there. In fact, their loud conversation made it impossible for me to continue my chat with my friend who was sitting opposite me. What is the correct response in public when strangers are invading your personal space without acknowledging you first? What is the polite but firm way to ask people to please not encroach on my own good time?

—Invasions of Personal Space
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Re: This week's 'use your words'!

  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I wonder how packed the beer garden was?  I've been in some pretty packed trains and events.  Being in someone's personal space was a necessity and trying to talk or acknowledge the closeness is even more awkward.
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    "Excuse me.   Could you two please move to a more comfortable location so my face isn't less than a foot from your rectums?" 
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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    OliveOilsMom said:
    I wonder how packed the beer garden was?  I've been in some pretty packed trains and events.  Being in someone's personal space was a necessity and trying to talk or acknowledge the closeness is even more awkward.
    I agree, I think it can depend on the circumstances.

    TBH, I've rarely had incidents like the LW described...other than situations that were really crowded anyway...so I can't help but wonder if this is more a LW's problem or higher sensitivity with personal space than a general world-at-large problem.

    But, to answer the LW's question, I think they should use this as an opportunity to practice assertiveness and becoming more comfortable speaking to strangers.  A person can be very polite and still get their point across in a situation like the LW described.  Smile and say something like, "Excuse me for interrupting.  I'm sure you all did not realize, but you're standing right next to my elbow and my table.  I'd appreciate if you all could move the conversation to your own table or a more open space."

    Bonus points if the LW can also throw in something very personal they overheard to the end of that statement, like, "...and please accept my condolences you contracted herpes after your husband had a one-night stand.  I would be devastated by that news also." 
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  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    The asshole in me tends to go with saying "AM I INVISIBLE?!" to who ever I'm with really loudly in these situations. 

    I know LW asked for the polite way to address this, but the passive aggressive way works pretty well.
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  • drunkenwitchdrunkenwitch member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I'm trying to figure out where this beer garden is, Seattle only has those in the summer at festivals. 

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  • kvrunskvruns member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    do they have outdoor seating at places like a brewery or bar? that was my vision of beer garden
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  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    kvruns said:
    do they have outdoor seating at places like a brewery or bar? that was my vision of beer garden
    My idea of a beer garden is like the one at the Rathskeller.  There were a bunch of picnic tables there the one time I went, and then people did stand and mill about.  

    Also, from the scene described in the letter...it's not a 'young professional' thing.  I've seen this happen at bars and parties.  Where it's busy and crowded...And if you're sitting down and not in someone's sight line, they may stand really close to you (basically your face looking at their butt/crotch) and have a conversation.  The more crowded and/or drunk people are, the worse it can be.  NO ONE is going to hear you 'clear your throat' from 2-3 ft down.  Yes, it can be annoying.  But I don't think it's indicative that someone is an oaf all the time with no social graces.  If LW is this timid, maybe they need to find a quieter scene to visit or scope out an area that's out of the way of the main crowd in a larger space where people are mixing, mingling, sitting, and standing. 
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  • bubblylovebubblylove member
    Ninth Anniversary 100 Comments 100 Love Its First Answer
    mrsconn23 said:
    kvruns said:
    do they have outdoor seating at places like a brewery or bar? that was my vision of beer garden
    My idea of a beer garden is like the one at the Rathskeller.  There were a bunch of picnic tables there the one time I went, and then people did stand and mill about.  

    Also, from the scene described in the letter...it's not a 'young professional' thing.  I've seen this happen at bars and parties.  Where it's busy and crowded...And if you're sitting down and not in someone's sight line, they may stand really close to you (basically your face looking at their butt/crotch) and have a conversation.  The more crowded and/or drunk people are, the worse it can be.  NO ONE is going to hear you 'clear your throat' from 2-3 ft down.  Yes, it can be annoying.  But I don't think it's indicative that someone is an oaf all the time with no social graces.  If LW is this timid, maybe they need to find a quieter scene to visit or scope out an area that's out of the way of the main crowd in a larger space where people are mixing, mingling, sitting, and standing. 
    Are you from Indy!!!!
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  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    bubblylove said:
    mrsconn23 said:
    kvruns said:
    do they have outdoor seating at places like a brewery or bar? that was my vision of beer garden
    My idea of a beer garden is like the one at the Rathskeller.  There were a bunch of picnic tables there the one time I went, and then people did stand and mill about.  

    Also, from the scene described in the letter...it's not a 'young professional' thing.  I've seen this happen at bars and parties.  Where it's busy and crowded...And if you're sitting down and not in someone's sight line, they may stand really close to you (basically your face looking at their butt/crotch) and have a conversation.  The more crowded and/or drunk people are, the worse it can be.  NO ONE is going to hear you 'clear your throat' from 2-3 ft down.  Yes, it can be annoying.  But I don't think it's indicative that someone is an oaf all the time with no social graces.  If LW is this timid, maybe they need to find a quieter scene to visit or scope out an area that's out of the way of the main crowd in a larger space where people are mixing, mingling, sitting, and standing. 
    Are you from Indy!!!!
    Yup.  ;) 
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