Dear Prudence,
I’m in graduate school 11 hours away from my hometown where my family and boyfriend of three years all live. I have lived much farther away in the past for much longer. Generally, though I’ve missed home, I’ve been enjoying the work I do. But this semester has been different. I have my biggest course load so far, my grandfather is going through a lot of health problems, my mom’s anxiety is at an all-time high, my dad’s business is in crisis, and long distance is hard but manageable. These things have been easy to push to the side to focus on my schoolwork, but now just trying to read is like pulling teeth. I keep thinking “I DON’T WANT TO DO THIS.” I can’t finish assignments until the day they’re due because every day I’m not sure if I’ll go back to school or just drop out. My lease is up for renewal, but I can’t bring myself to sign the paperwork because I don’t want to be here anymore. And, the thing is, there’s absolutely no reason for it! Last semester I was excited to get out of bed every day and had ideas to share in class. Money’s not an issue. I have so many scholarships I’ll come out on the other side of this degree without loans and more money than I started with. I’ve never been homesick before, and the only thing that’s changed about me being away this time compared with previous times is that I’m in a relationship now.
Am I really that girl? The girl who gives up all her dreams and ambitions just to be with a man? This degree will give me so many more opportunities in the career I want to go into, but right now I’m hating every minute of it. I just want to sit in a garden with my boyfriend all day, which is unrealistic but all I dream of. Please help me. How do I stay motivated? Should I drop out, even though I know I’ll be taking on significant debt by backing out of the contract for these scholarships and never have a career opportunity like this again?
—Boyfriend or Grad School