Groomsmen

Re: Groomsmen

• flantastic member

  

  April 2019

  knottie09457e5772314d70 said:

  My MIL told my fiancé it's "a slap in the face" that he didn't choose his brother to be a groomsmen. I responded to her that no role in someone's wedding is a slap in the face and she still seems pissed off at us. We chose for our siblings (his 2 brothers and my 2 brothers) to be ushers because they know our family making the task a breeze and it's equal for all siblings without his entire side of the bridal party being brothers. Is this some old tradition she's holding on to or just another thing for her to complain about? I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I think my fiancé gets the final say on who he asks to stand next to him, not me or her or anyone else.

  Your fiance does get final say, but your stated reasons are off the mark. Who cares whether his side has 8 people and yours has 4? Why can't your brothers stand on your side? Literally nothing preventing that except our society's useless focus on even/gendered sides.

  
  

  The criterion for whether someone should be in your bridal party is how close you are. If your FI isn't actually that close to his brothers, then his decision makes sense and maybe MIL is just wishfully thinking they were closer. However, if they ARE close and the brother isn't a groomsman simply because of the above arbitrary BS (in many, many weddings, ushers don't exist and people either seat themselves or the groomsmen manage it), then I can see where it would feel to him like an actual slap in the face.
  

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• bubblylove member

  

  April 2019

  I think ushers are made up and pretty crappy position. So if I was a sibling chosen as an usher and not a groomsman I would be hurt. I think they should be groomsmen if he is indeed close to them.

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• climbingsingle member

  

  April 2019

  Ushers are such a dated roll. Truly, the last time I saw ushers at a wedding was in the 90s. It doesn't matter where people sit. 
  
  If you are close with your siblings, they should be in your wedding party. 

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• MyNameIsNot member

  

  April 2019

  Well, yeah, it's a slap in the face to ask someone to work your wedding and try to paint it as an honor. Either they're close enough to be in the WP, or they aren't. Making up a task as a consolation prize isn't very nice.
  
  That said, it's 100% your FI's decision who he invites to stand next to him. It should have nothing to do with his mother's opinion. It should also have nothing to do with who you decide to invite to stand next to you. If he wants his brothers, he should have his brothers. Excluding them because you don't want to include your brothers or even sides is just mean. 
  
  Last, you shouldn't have responded at all. This is his mother and he needs to do the talking. This is no place for you to butt in. 

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