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Estranged sister and wedding 'family reunion'.

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
in Wedding Woes
Dear Prudence,

My sister is estranged from my entire family except for me, and her kids have had limited contact with their grandparents and never met any other family members. When I told my sister I was getting married, she immediately said she’d love to come to the wedding and bring the kids with her. The rest of the family is understandably apprehensive about how to behave around them. I’ve given them instruction to treat her as an acquaintance and not get into personal conversations unless she takes the lead. But some are pressing for rules. Any advice on what to tell them? Is there any sense in drawing up rules, or is it safe to assume that everyone’s been in a social setting with someone who doesn’t like them and knows how to behave?

—Estranged Sister With a Twist
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Re: Estranged sister and wedding 'family reunion'.

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    banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    Seat them on opposite sides of the room.   How I'd talk to anyone beforehand depends on the tone of the estrangement.   
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    Ro041Ro041 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Without knowing the source of the estrangement, how the heck is Prudie supposed to say anything other than, "tell them to be cordial and to act normal."

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    charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Seat them on opposite sides, but your sister knows the rest of the family will be at your wedding, so she knows talking/seeing/being in the same place with them is happening. Let her manage her relationships with the rest of the family.

    And tell the family to follow her lead. 
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    OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its

    I think LW should just ask the sister. 

    "Sister, this may be awkward and ridiculous all at once, but I want you to be comfortable at the wedding.  Some family members have asked for ground rules in interacting with you.  I told them to just be cordial and make pleasantries if they interact with you.  But they are asking for more ground rules than that."

    Then let sister take the lead.  If I were the sister, I think I would be cautious with my parents since I wouldn't want my child to get confused if some strange adult comes up to them and says "I'm your grandpa!"  That would be something I would tell LW about, if I were the sister.

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    climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Adults really need rules (further than what LW already provided) on how to behave at a social gathering towards an estranged family member??
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    kerbohlkerbohl member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    So this happened at my wedding ... the person who did the estranging set the rules and everyone just avoided them.  Then they glared at people for most of the wedding.  Ah, good times.

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    OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited April 2019
    charlotte989875 said:
    Seat them on opposite sides, but your sister knows the rest of the family will be at your wedding, so she knows talking/seeing/being in the same place with them is happening. Let her manage her relationships with the rest of the family.

    And tell the family to follow her lead. 
    This. 

    This may be an unpopular opinion, but I think this has potential to be really healing, if all parties involved want it.
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