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Sister's secret pain

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
in Wedding Woes
Dear Prudence,

I just found out through my mother that my sister has been sexually assaulted multiple times in the past year. My mother is scared out of her mind because my sister seems to be dealing with this by drinking excessively, which has been the circumstances of each assault. My mom is worried that she is continuing to put herself in the same dangerous circumstances. I don’t know what to do. Everything feels so urgent, but really it feels like there is nothing I can do. My sister doesn’t even know that I have been told about these assaults, and I don’t want to retraumatize her by asking her to tell me about them. I am heartbroken and feel so much pain for her but don’t know what to do.

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Re: Sister's secret pain

  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    Sis needs counseling and STAT.  LW already sees that sis is a problem drinker.   I'd reach out to talk to her about that but ultimately sis needs to WANT to seek help.   This unfortunately sounds like it's going to go in a downward spiral fast. 
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  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Encourage your mom to talk to a therapist or counselor about how to best support your sister and do the same yourself. Continue to be there for sister, keep communication open, and be there for her if/when she discloses. Even though her drinking and behavior may be scary for you right now, do not judge her for what she is doing. Awful things have happened to her that are in no way a result of what she has done.  
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  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its

    I think LW can approach sister with concern for the drinking.  Make no mention of the assaults.  But in the long run, it is still up to the sister to decide when to get treatment for the drinking. 

    I would also suggest to mom, to have her tell sister that she should talk to someone about the assaults.  Encourage mom to have sister reach out to RAINN or another group aimed at assisting sex assault victims.

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  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Oh wow. As a recovering alcoholic who is also a sexual assault survivor, I feel the sister’s pain as well as LW’s. LW should reach out to the sister about the drinking and let her disclose as she feels ready to do. It meant the world to me to know someone cared and didn’t judge.
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  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Sister needs to purely approach it from the drinking end "as-if" she doesn't know about the other stuff...  There are tons of resources available that don't involve formal treatment so the sister wouldn't get dinged, but most importantly, the non-enabling soft place to land and rebuild.  
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