Dear Prudence,
I’m in college, and I have a good friend “Jay” and an acquaintance “Aaron” who’s also friends with Jay. I’m involved in a club at my college, as is Aaron, though marginally. There are often parties after club events, which everyone who’s involved with the club gets invited to. Whether he’s involved with the particular event or not, Aaron always goes, which is fine. The problem is that lately he also brings Jay, who isn’t involved in the club whatsoever and gets drunk. I get stressed because I worry about Jay’s drinking, and I feel embarrassed by their behavior and worry that people will think I brought them because we’re close friends. I also resent Aaron, who brings Jay and then expects me to be responsible for them while he encourages unsafe behavior. For example, just the other night, Aaron interrupted my conversation with someone else to tell me to “go help Jay,” and when I asked why he didn’t help for once, Aaron said, “Nah, I’m good.” He also actively undermined me when I encouraged Jay to sit down and get water, telling Jay to get up and dance and drink more and trying to trick them (“Hey, you’ve got something on your face!”). And then Aaron acts like we have some sort of solidarity because we’re both sober and makes fun of people around us, while he’s shoving the responsibility for people he brought to the party on me. As for Jay, obviously their drinking is on them, but I couldn’t live with myself if I stood by and something happened. I’m mad at both of them, but I don’t know what to say.
—Shouldn’t Be My Problem