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Wedding Woes

Assurance that Mom/Grandma Did the Right Thing

My niece, who is single and 36, has just this year purchased a small house. She’s employed full time and is making a decent wage. I’ve noticed that she rarely visits or calls her grandmother (my mom) except near her own birthday and Christmas. Whenever she does visit, she always asks my mother for money. Once it was for $18,000 for school (my mother said no), and this last time it was for $4,000 for a new roof. This time, my mom took her to lunch, tried to give her suggestions on how to save for it, and explained she unfortunately couldn’t loan her the money. Later in the week, my brother called me, furious that my mother “offered to lend the money and then backed out.” Then he said, “It’s not like it’s a whole lot of money, or that it would be missed.”

I was appalled. My reply was, where does my niece get off asking her grandmother repeatedly for large sums of money? She’s been “loaned” money before and hasn’t paid it back. She’s employed and capable of saving money, so why is she calling her dad to complain that her grandmother isn’t giving her Christmas bonuses? And why doesn’t her dad give her a loan? He makes good money too. I realize it’s not my problem to solve, but my mom is quite upset and a tad heartbroken that her granddaughter and her son are treating her like a special go-to piggy bank. I’ve tried to comfort my mom but don’t quite know what to say to help her.

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Re: Assurance that Mom/Grandma Did the Right Thing

  • kvrunskvruns member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Poor grandma! I'm glad she has stuck to her guns though on not loaning and instead making constructive suggestions. I have a feeling this niece is a mooch and always will be
    short+sassyMesmrEweOurWildKingdom
  • The part that really got me was apparently this woman's father didn't loan/give her the money either.  Even though, according to the LW, he could also have easily afforded it.  But then yells at his mom that she didn't give her granddaughter the money, smh.

    Sounds like grandma planned well for her retirement.  This woman would have been far wiser to have listened to grandma's advice on financial planning then gotten pissy she wasn't getting a quick payday ;).


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    MesmrEweOurWildKingdom
  • kerbohlkerbohl member
    Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    How does the son know that the $4000 wouldn't be missed?  Because women live longer, they often need to rely on more money in order to not outlive it, so maybe she can afford it now but she might be planning to use it in 10, 15, 20 years.  they are both jerks!
    imageimage
    charlotte989875OurWildKingdomshort+sassy
  • kerbohl said:
    How does the son know that the $4000 wouldn't be missed?  Because women live longer, they often need to rely on more money in order to not outlive it, so maybe she can afford it now but she might be planning to use it in 10, 15, 20 years.  they are both jerks!
    True!

    But I would have especially liked grandma if her answer had been, "I'm so sorry, Granddaughter.  I would love to be able to help you, but you know that I go on 4 cruises a year and, if I gave you that money, I could only go on 3."
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    kalinda2OurWildKingdomSTARMOON44kerbohl
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