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You can't control the fallout, no matter what Richie does.

Dear Prudence,

My cousin “Richie” recently discovered through a popular DNA testing service that there’s a likelihood that the father who raised him, my uncle by marriage, was not his biological father. This would mean that his mother, my aunt, had an affair that nobody knew about. Both my aunt and uncle are deceased. Richie has always felt an “otherness” in his immediate family, so this news validated those feelings, and he’s delighted. He has begun to tell his siblings and other cousins. I support him but am a bit skeptical of the results and would like him to take a real DNA test. Richie says the results are enough for him, but I’d like to know for sure before older family members learn the news because I think, at least at first, they’d be deeply upset by it. Do I have the right to encourage Richie to confirm the results? And if so, what would be the best way to do that?

—Ancestry Dilemma

Re: You can't control the fallout, no matter what Richie does.

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    I think there’s a lot of concern here about upsetting older relatives that I just don’t share. Richie is the one who was lied to his whole life about who he is. He gets to do what he needs to do here. 
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    Definitely agree he should keep it to himself but I think Richie was looking for reasons on why he felt the "otherness"

    I'm curious what would have been the reaction if it came back showing nothing different
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    I think there’s a lot of concern here about upsetting older relatives that I just don’t share. Richie is the one who was lied to his whole life about who he is. He gets to do what he needs to do here. 
    Yeah, ditto this exactly. 
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    I agree that if it were me, I would want another DNA test to make sure.  But it isn't me and it isn't the LW.  It's Richie and he doesn't want that.

    I admit, Richie's "gleefulness" that his dad wasn't his bio-dad is odd and I could see where that could be off putting to the LW.

    But, none of that matters for the LW's actual questions/concerns.  Sounds like they already mentioned to Richie he should confirm the results.  Richie declined to do that.  Done.  There is nothing more to discuss.

    As for the older family members, the LW might found out that they were the ones who knew all about it, all along!  And Richie might get some of the details filled in.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    Richie is entitled to his feels and to talk about this with whomever he wants. If people have feelings about it then they have feelings about it. Honestly though, it’s not like affairs and lies about who the father is are new things. They’ve happened for generations and families deal with it and move on. 
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    Richie is entitled to his feels and to talk about this with whomever he wants. If people have feelings about it then they have feelings about it. Honestly though, it’s not like affairs and lies about who the father is are new things. They’ve happened for generations and families deal with it and move on. 
    I feel like my grandparents on both sides had a more "colourful" (for lack of a better word) history than the next generation or mine.  I'm no longer shocked at anything I hear - people you never suspect can be abusive or have wandering eyes or have secret siblings ... I'm sure the older generation will be fine in this scenario when they hear this supposedly shocking news.

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