Failure to launch

Re: Failure to launch

• charlotte989875 member

  

  June 2019

  lkeller_tdavis19 said:

  First post, hi all
  
  I just can’t get excited or get started planning my own wedding!!!
  
  I have never been very “girly” about this stuff, and have zero vision or ambition to fulfill said ambition. There’s plenty of venues, big and small, and we’ve toured a few but I just can’t pull the trigger on any.
  
  Part of it is looking for something to do OTHER than eat and dance. Yes I’ll feed the guests lol, but dancing is not our thing, for either of us. We’ve been to some beautiful places, but what is there to do other than wander the room(s) you rent, and eat?
  
  Part of it is that we’ve pretty much settled in together and the marriage is really just adding the official paper at this point. It will be special, but it won’t change much, other than our health insurance and taxes.
  
  And part of it is that I can not convince myself to spend thousands of dollars for a party.... every time I look at prices for venues, food, etc., I can just FEEL the “wedding industry” squeezing me. Spending money for temporary extravagance is just not me. $10 for a chair? $20 per 5’x5’ of dance floor? $4500 just to get the building? I have 2 kids, pets, a house, a car, and bills that money could go to.
  
  And the last bit is pretty sad... we just don’t have friends. Wonderful families, yes! A blended home with awesome kids, yes! Great job environments, sure. Time to hang out with anyone? Nope! So I feel like it’s just going to be another family barbecue or holiday.
  
  
  HELP

  
  
  
  Even if it feels like a family barbecue or holiday is that bad? I mean, good food, good drinks, spending time celebrating with people you care about? Sounds like a great party to me! 
  
  But yeah, the wedding industry totally feels like it’s just out to get your money (it is!), but look at it like this; you already know that so go in thinking about what you want. 
  
  I know you say nothing much will change once your married, and maybe that’s true, but you’re deciding to actually do it for a reason; and you’re choosing to invite your family for a reason, so given that what do you want that day to feel like? What do you want to remember about it? You don’t have to love planning events (many people, men and women, don’t; and many people do).
  
  Its not about being girly or not but it’s about how you want to spend the day you marry your spouse. 

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• Casadena member

  

  June 2019

  I would love to attend a wedding with a ceremony and restaurant reception.  Have you thought of doing something like that?  There are plenty of restaurants that could accommodate a large group, it's festive, and you dont' need to do anything other than maybe pick a modified menu and some music.  You could still cut a cake, but you wouldn't need dancing or anything you're not comfortable with.  Just have a festive nice meal with your loved ones and then go home!

  Don't be afraid to think out of the box, as long as you're hosting people well (they shouldn't have to open their wallets, be considerate of physical disabilities, have a chair for everyone etc.) there is no wrong way to have a wedding!
  

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• MesmrEwe member

  

  June 2019 edited June 2019

  First - don't complicate it, simplify it.  You've learned you don't want a dance, nor to be nickeled and dimed, what can you do instead...  When it comes to the venue, look for places like the KC/Lion's/Elks/AMVET/Legion/VFW/order of the royal water buffalo/community centers/etc. or a restaurant that has an attached reception hall so you literally book one vendor and done.  Think of venues that a company would have a Christmas/Holiday/End of year Party at type location.  
  
  As for what can your guests do besides a dance...  Random games for guests, do your own playlist from your computer with a song for you to dance to if you're traditionalist in that sense, but no need for a formal DJ..  Lawn games..  Just let people sit and mingle, how often is it nice to just have the chance to catch up with people you don't frequently get to see.  I had a cousin book a local town hall that had a playground so the kids could play, adults could talk, and it was a casual meal from a local restaurant that they served- yes, B&G were helping set up/serve the meal from warmers ready to go, with a dessert buffet.  Everyone had a great time.  Community centers are a great option as they've already got the tables/chairs.  Your local civic groups meet somewhere, go there!  
  
  Other ways to keep costs in check cake from Sam's/Super Target/BJ's (be aware you've got to pick it up the day of..), Flowers pre-packed from Sam's/Costco/etc. or just walk into your local florist and say "I need flowers for XYZ and here's my budget, what can I get for the money?" the more flex you give them the friendlier on your budget it will be while remaining reasonable (no champagne tastes on a beer budget!).  Your dress - shop during the clearance sales/off the rack, buy as close to your size as possible to limit alterations as much as possible (we often tell brides "half your budget when you go shopping because then you allow for things like alterations, undergarments, etc. - AND coming in under budget is easier than going over!), DIY your own veil or purchase online for pennies, etc.

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• short+sassy member

  

  June 2019

  I hear ya!  Mine and my H's priority was not spending a ton of money on a one-day party.  We limited our guest list to close family and friends (less than 35 people).  And had the ceremony and reception in my mom's patio/deck area.  We had an Ipod playing for background music, but did not have a DJ or dance floor area.  I don't think anyone missed it.  People ate, drank, and socialized (there were plenty of chairs, important!).
  
  We got a lot of compliments from our guests who loved how intimate the event was and how great the food was.  We had a local restaurant cater it, plus we had various veggie/fruit trays we got at Costco.  The restaurant dropped it off, set everything up (including the little warmers), and left.  Guests served themselves, buffet-style.  I think it was $18/person and that wasn't even calling around for prices.  We picked a restaurant where we loved the food.
  
  I've also been to company Christmas parties that were held at restaurants with a set menu that had 2-3 entrée choices.  I think that's a great option, especially for a smaller wedding.  Though you might be surprised at how huge some restaurants can go for an event.  A lot of them in my area have a second floor that is mainly event space.  They're really flexible with party size and can partition off almost whatever space you need.
  

  

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