to announce? or not announce? Just us 2, no guests

Re: to announce? or not announce? Just us 2, no guests

• climbingsingle member

  

  June 2019

  knottie4fd4aa471b9fa7fb said:

  FH and I decided to leave the stress and guests behind. Him and I are getting on a plane next week and getting married, just the two of us. Our parents and a few of my closest friends know. But, we haven't announced it. Fiance thinks I should make a facebook post. He assumes people are already going to feel left out, so why upset them more by not telling them at all? I'm dying to share the news as well, but I'm on the fence about a pre-wedding announcement when we aren't inviting anyone. Could it open the door to unwanted opinions or discouraging comments? We aren't keeping it a secret & I'm sure word has spread to others who weren't told directly by us.

  he actually wanted this post made a month ago but my whole reason for not wanting a typical wedding was the events, the guests, the stress, the constant busy schedule... I didn't want anyone to have time to throw me a bachelorette party or bridal shower, etc. Its just not my thing. I like simple. Those closest to me understand as I have said my whole life I was never going to have a traditional wedding... We are dressing the part and hired a photographer and minister.

  
  

  Don't announce anything until after you're married! If you do this before, you're opening up a can of worms. People will have all sorts of opinions and feelings about it. 

  Report4 Reply
• Casadena member

  

  June 2019

  I wouldn't announce anything until after you elope. No sense in inviting unwanted opinions and chatter.  Just do it and then tell everyone you're married!
  

  Report2 Reply
• flantastic member

  

  June 2019

  What PPs said.
  
  Marriage announcements for elopements and private weddings have been a thing for a long time, but always after the fact, for a reason. Don't invite negotiation. Just tell people you got married.
  
  What is your FI's reason for wanting people to know ahead of time?

  Report3 Reply
• knottie4fd4aa471b9fa7fb member

  

  June 2019

  He doesn't want it appear secretive, because we aren't "hiding" it. I just didn't plan to publicly announce it until afterwards. He knows some may feel left out and wonder why they weren't told but we've told those closest to us, immediate family and those we would have had as part of our wedding party had we decided to have a big local wedding.
  

  Report0 Reply
• knottie4fd4aa471b9fa7fb member

  

  June 2019

  Also, thanks everyone for your opinions! Very much appreciated

  Announcing ahead of time just didn't feel right to me. The whole purpose of going away instead of having a typical wedding was because we wanted it to be about US. No socializing or pleasing other people but just enjoying the moment and each other, worry free!
  

  Report1 Reply
• flantastic member

  

  June 2019 edited June 2019

  knottie4fd4aa471b9fa7fb said:

  He doesn't want it appear secretive, because we aren't "hiding" it. I just didn't plan to publicly announce it until afterwards. He knows some may feel left out and wonder why they weren't told but we've told those closest to us, immediate family and those we would have had as part of our wedding party had we decided to have a big local wedding.
  

  Yeah, especially if they're not going to be a part of it and you don't talk with them super regularly, no one's entitled to know.
  
  If someone (like family with whom you don't personally talk much) complains about not knowing or you being secretive, just say that "Oh, we would have been happy to tell you this was our plan, it just didn't come up in the course of our normal conversations." But I doubt that'll really be something that happens much.
  
  ETA: I had a cousin go down and get married at the courthouse. I eventually found out via my mom, via his mom, maybe two months later. DH had a cousin do the same thing, but we found out sooner just because his family is more gossipy. Since we don't talk to these cousins at all apart from extended family gatherings, it made perfect sense to me that we found out about their wedding plans this way. I imagine most of your family will be similarly reasonable about it.

  Report2 Reply
• MyNameIsNot member

  

  June 2019

  I wouldn't announce it on facebook at all. You are telling people, that's not being secretive. If someone is close enough that you want them to know, tell them in person/phone/text. If they aren't close enough to publicly tell, they don't need to know. 

  Report0 Reply
• short+sassy member

  

  June 2019

  I completely agree with you (OP) and the other PPs.  General advice is that people shouldn't talk about their wedding to people who aren't invited to it.  And I think that's just as true for a private wedding, like you and your FI are planning.
  
  It doesn't feel "right" to you, because it isn't .  Think about what the FB post would say?  "Hey everyone, me and FI are flying to (awesome destination) next week, to get married! We're so excited! But it's a private wedding and none of y'all are invited. Just wanted to let everyone know."  Obviously you wouldn't word it like that, lol.  But that would basically be the message.
  
  Mailing wedding announcements, after the fact, is a time-honored tradition.  They are never mailed before.  To me, social media announcements are no different, in that regard.  As an aside, it's not necessary to mail wedding announcements unless you all want to.
  

  

  Report2 Reply
• MesmrEwe member

  

  June 2019

  Here's your reason not to announce on social media - you're not home!  That aspect is one to consider.
  
  But - when you do the announcement, go all out, tell everyone you two eloped because then "they" won't feel left out because that is what eloping is.  If you decide to have a get-together/open house/backyard bbq (think grad party type thing) with just friends/family that's a good time to announce it.  I've also heard of people doing a FB Live of their wedding in these cases too, but it's really something that's entirely up to you two to decide, just remember, keep it fun and STOP with the stressing about how you're going to tell people after the fact, use the word Elope - it's o.k.!
  
  As for wedding announcements, it's not unusual to drop them in the mailbox the day-of so something that can be done in advance.  
  

  Report0 Reply