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Um, your kid has an anger issue that needs to be addressed...like yesterday.

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
in Wedding Woes
Dear Prudence,

My 17-year-old son is by all outward appearances a great kid. Top of his class, great group of friends, good hobbies, etc. But at home, he bullies his younger siblings and only helps with chores after significant complaining. He picks on his brothers until they’re in tears. His relationship with his father (we’re divorced) is especially bad, and they have engaged in screaming battles on the verge of becoming physically violent with one another. He has never shown too much interest in girls, but he has had a girlfriend and shown interest in other girls, some of which he has told me about himself. Recently, his father read about a boy who acted the same way because he was gay and was afraid to “come out of the closet.” I have never seen evidence of him being gay, but I suppose it’s a possibility. The one time I mentioned to him that he doesn’t tell me anything about his life anymore, he got upset and said that he and I have never discussed girls, and he’s just a private person. Do I just accept this as an explanation? I love him no matter what his sexual orientation is, but I just don’t see any evidence at all that he’s gay and am not sure how to proceed.

—Is My Son Gay or Just a Jerk?
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Re: Um, your kid has an anger issue that needs to be addressed...like yesterday.

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    climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Get that kid into therapy. 
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    mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    short+sassy said:
    These kind of letters always amaze me.  It's the "here is this huge, concerning problem"...then the surprise twist..."but I'm not even asking about that, what about XYZ minor issue".  All because the father read an article about another troubled teenager, smh.

    Maybe fear or confusion about his sexual orientation is a part of the son's anger.  Maybe not.  Maybe it's a lot of things.  Who knows.  But the main thing is he needs therapy and anger management classes.

    I think these behavior problems might simply be lessons he has learned from dad.  The LW talks about them getting in screaming and even physical fights.  But is that all on the part of the son, with the dad just defending himself?  Probably not.
    Yes to all of this! 

    And to the bolded, it is definitely is shades of, "I know all your buttons because I installed them" that you have as a parent.  I have no doubt some of this is learned behavior and mishandling of LW's son's issues for a long time now.  I mean, I have a lot of questions about LW's divorce and what led up to it. 

    But sure LW, and your ex, this is all happening in a vacuum because he might be gay.  *eyeroll* 
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