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How to not be rude with restrictions

knottiea9b0b1a72462b8d5knottiea9b0b1a72462b8d5 member
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
So my venue is priced per person, the price we all agreed upon was for 50 people so I'm like that's cool, I don't really want more than 50 people... As I'm filling out RSVP cards, I'm feeling the need to say "no +1 unless indicated, and no kids". The more I think about it, the more I think this single people or families who are invited may be upset or offended. Basically I'd love for people to invite +1 if all my family is given the opportunity to come but some may not be able and the total guest count is under 50. So what's a good way to say, "you can bring a +1 if all of my family that is able to come is accounted for and there's space available but "no kids" is non-negotiable". Please help me be polite, haha. 
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Re: How to not be rude with restrictions

  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    MyNameIsNot said:
    knottiea9b0b1a72462b8d5 said:
    So my venue is priced per person, the price we all agreed upon was for 50 people so I'm like that's cool, I don't really want more than 50 people... As I'm filling out RSVP cards, I'm feeling the need to say "no +1 unless indicated, and no kids". The more I think about it, the more I think this single people or families who are invited may be upset or offended. Basically I'd love for people to invite +1 if all my family is given the opportunity to come but some may not be able and the total guest count is under 50. So what's a good way to say, "you can bring a +1 if all of my family that is able to come is accounted for and there's space available but "no kids" is non-negotiable". Please help me be polite, haha. 
    There's no polite way to indicate who is not invited on an invitation. The polite option is to address the envelope to those invited, and gently correct people if they try to add extras. Most people know that when the envelope is addressed to Marge and Homer that Bart and Lisa are not included. If you really think people are dense, you can make it clear on the RSVP card with names so there's no place to write in extras.

    Marge Simpson __ chicken __ beef __ declines
    Homer Simpson __ chicken __ beef __ declines

    With plus ones, be aware that anyone in a relationship must be invite with their s/o. If you're looking at splitting relationships, you'll need to reconfigure. Otherwise, just address to the single guest. Once you decide no dates for plus ones, stick with it. You run the risk of being unfair and confusing if you start telling some people they can bring a date if there are enough declines, especially since polite people won't be the ones to ask. 
    All of this.

    You need to make sure you address invitations specifically.   If you're inviting a couple with two kids and not their kids then ensure that you have their names specifically written on the outer and inner envelope.   And do as @MyNameIsNot wrote so the response cards are written specifically out.

    And remember that if someone states that they are in a relationship then you need to invite both members of the couple and ensure your guest list accounts for that. 
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  • MobKazMobKaz member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited July 2019
    “So what's a good way to say, "you can bring a +1 if all of my family that is able to come is accounted for and there's space available but "no kids" is non-negotiable".

    There is NO good way to tell any family member or friend that they are Plan B, and only good enough to be invited if all the “A” players do not accept their invitation.  You make your one and only list, and send them out.  NO ONE will feel honored, special, or included that they made the invitation list only because someone else declined.  

    As others have said, if you are inviting a guest that is IN a relationship, you must invite them both.  If that count exceeds your maximum number of 50, then you need to decide which COUPLES do not make the cut.

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  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    What the PP have said - Rude is rude and you're recognizing what you're about to do would be rude, so cut that portion of the rest of the guest list after family so your numbers do not break the 50.  As others have mentioned, those in a social unit need to be invited together.  

    And yes, it is easier to print the response cards on your computer with the specific names of those invited than deal with additions for fill it in themselves type invitations.  
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  • Jstump2Jstump2 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    We addressed the outer envelopes stating only the names of those invited and then on the response card we had "We have reserved __ seat(s) in your honer __happily accepts __regretfully declines. We just filled in a number for each depending on how many were invited.
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  • levioosalevioosa member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Nope, there is no way to politely do this. It’s downright rude. 


    image
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