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Wedding Woes

'Mitch' is so far past the line...the line is a dot to him.

Dear Prudence,

I’m 22 and have been working at my dream job for eight months. My supervisor, Mitch, in his mid-40s, has been an amazing mentor. He personally oversaw my training and has been incredibly generous with his time. I trusted him completely and held him in very high regard. Then Mitch learned about my long-term boyfriend and now seems angry with me. I asked for two days off to care for my boyfriend after he undergoes minor surgery, and when Mitch asked what the time off was for, I thought nothing of telling him. Mitch became very formal and asked me if this was a new relationship. When I told him we’d been together for years, he sent me away. Later Mitch called me into his office and said it was both unprofessional to tell him about caring for my boyfriend and misleading to have not mentioned my boyfriend before. He used the word misleading several times. Mitch denied my PTO request and has since been terse with me. The only thing that makes sense is that Mitch is attracted to me—but I feel sick when I think of that, because it’s such a heavy accusation. I’m not sure what to do.

—Boss Mad About Boyfriend

Re: 'Mitch' is so far past the line...the line is a dot to him.

  • Talk. To. HR!

    So inappropriate and LW should go above "Mitch" to ask about it and state the conversation.
    short+sassyVarunaTTei34sparklepants41
  • Wow!  WTF?!?  Everything about this is sickening.  Including trying to gaslight a younger person in probably their first professional job that it is "unprofessional" to mention one's SO in the workplace.

    And just to use Mitch's own words against him.  He asks her what the PTO is for.  But then it's "unprofessional" when she told him what it was for.  And it's "unprofessional" she mentions her b/f.  But is also misleading she didn't mention him sooner.  So, Mitch.  Even by your own sick and twisted logic.  Which is it?

    It especially sucks this is her boss that she works closely with.  I hope this company is large enough to have an HR director and, even better, the ability for her to move into a lateral position with a different supervisor.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    ei34
  • HR. Document. 

    But yeah document the denied PTO. write down everything you remember about the conversations about your person life. If you can, bring other people in on meetings in the short term so you aren’t alone with him. 

    But also eff this guy. 
    short+sassyOliveOilsMomei34sparklepants41
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    This poor woman. I hope they have an HR department. How insane that he accused of her being misleading about her personal life. WTF. 

    ei34sparklepants41
  • Ro041Ro041 member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I think that LW can take the issue to HR without straight-up saying that Mitch is attracted to her.  The reality of it is there without her even saying it out loud.  

    I may even send Mitch an email first confirming our conversation.  "Mitch, this email is to confirm your denial of my request for PTO to care for my sick partner.   This email further confirms that, after you questioned my need for PTO, you stated that I misled you by not mentioning my bf prior to that conversation."


    mrsconn23OliveOilsMomMNNEBrideei34
  • HR. Document. 

    But yeah document the denied PTO. write down everything you remember about the conversations about your person life. If you can, bring other people in on meetings in the short term so you aren’t alone with him. 

    But also eff this guy. 
    I recently did this after a phone conversation I was a little worried about.  One of the tenants I recently evicted had called me a few days after they'd received the Pay or Quit notice.  She said they had a "major problem", because part of the ceiling had fallen down in one of the bedrooms and they needed to have it fixed.  She also mentioned it had fallen down on her b/f and he was going to the doctor.  This last part turned out to be a boldfaced lie.  My H had a conversation with the b/f a couple days later and he said no one had been home when the ceiling piece fell down.

    At any rate, my response to her was essentially, "Sure.  My husband is over there right now, can he come over to take a look?"  No, no one was currently home.  They had both just started new jobs.  She didn't know her b/f's schedule.  The plan was she was going to call me back later that night with a few good days/times when I my H could go over there with our drywall guy.  She never called me back to do that.

    The next day, I sent an e-mail to myself that outlined everything we had discussed on the phone.  So I would at least have a dated/timed recent accounting of the conversation.  I also sent myself an e-mail one week later that she had still not contacted me about this matter.

    My H also e-mailed himself and me on the same day he had the conversation with the b/f!    
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    MissKittyDangerei34
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Fuck this guy. Ugh. I hope there’s an HR department LW can go to. And the gaslighting! I feel so bad for LW. 


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    ei34charlotte989875
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