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Wedding Woes

Mean girls, and boys, for the late twenty-teens.

Dear Prudence,

I’m a junior in high school who was home-schooled until ninth grade. My first year in school I made almost no friends. During sophomore year I dropped my antisocial shell and made a couple of good friends. Now, I have even more confidence and friend prospects than I did before. Usually they create a single shared document and let others add to it so they can plan various events. I was recently invited to share one of those documents for the first time, and I was ecstatic—I hadn’t had a group of friends to hang out with since elementary school. This lasted for a few hours until I was removed from the doc with no explanation. It seems silly, but I was, and am, heartbroken. I was certain that it was a joke to make fun of me. Eventually I called a friend, “Jade,” and found out that it was only one person in particular, “Nathan,” who hates me. I have almost no connection with him and have no idea why he reacted this way. Jade says he was being a total jerk and that everyone was shocked at the way he reacted. Now I’m at a stalemate. I haven’t been added to make any more plans, he hasn’t (and probably won’t) apologize, and now the entire group feels awkward. I want to make friends for once! Is there any right way to react to this? If I should confront him, or anyone else, how do I do it in a way that doesn’t make me seem self-absorbed?

—Google Doc Drama

Re: Mean girls, and boys, for the late twenty-teens.

  • banana468 said:
    Ugh - what a hard thing and at a hard age.  Also, I "get" that there's such a desire to home-school your kids but if they aren't socialized with different kids outside then you aren't setting them up for success in real world situations.  

    Getting back to the matter at hand, if the LW is comfortable enough what about talking to the ring leader?  Just be nice.   Say you want to clear the air and hope that there are no hard feelings.   It can depend on the bully but they often rely on not being confronted in order to succeed. 
    I don't think homeschooling is the issue. I mean, I just wasn't going to be a gregarious outgoing kid. I made friends then like I do now - a few close ones. I did resent not having the opportunity to make more friends while I was homeschooled, but I didn't have a problem making them or being super awkward once I was in high school and no longer "out of sight, out of mind." I guess we did do a couple things which involved "socializing" - sports occasionally, choir, etc. just not frequently enough for me to break into friend groups that saw each other every day.

    I think this situation could happen to anyone, but LW might be more emotionally invested in it just because she's not had a "group" for so long. I had a group of friends where I wasn't as close with one and maybe had a borderline rivalry; just let the others know that you're happy to hang out with each of them individually and with the whole group including Nathan, as long as he's civil - and it's unfortunate that he doesn't seem to like her for reasons passing her understanding. Take the high road and the initiative.
  • banana468 said:
    Ugh - what a hard thing and at a hard age.  Also, I "get" that there's such a desire to home-school your kids but if they aren't socialized with different kids outside then you aren't setting them up for success in real world situations.  

    Getting back to the matter at hand, if the LW is comfortable enough what about talking to the ring leader?  Just be nice.   Say you want to clear the air and hope that there are no hard feelings.   It can depend on the bully but they often rely on not being confronted in order to succeed. 
    This makes the most sense.  It may seem daunting to some, but clearing the air in a calm and straightforward manner would save so much time and anguish.

  • I'm not a Google doc user, but how does a person added to a document, kick out the person who owns the document?

    Nathan is a little a-hole for doing what he did!  There are probably a bunch of reasons why he did what he did.  But thinking that no one else stood up and added LW back into the document, I will say that Nathan is probably the ring leader and no one ever stands up to him.

    If LW has other friend options, I would go with them and only stay cordial to this group.  Life is too short to have to put up with any Nathans!
  • Any shared document can add/take off people if you're an owner. 
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