Dear Prudence,
Several years ago, I had IVF to have my daughter. It was an emotionally intense and deeply lonely experience, yet I consider myself wildly lucky. I try to be open about my experience with other women, because I believe infertility shouldn’t be some dark secret. My sister-in-law, “Sue,” has three children from her first marriage and recently got remarried at 46 and wants to have another child with her new husband. She refuses to consider adoption or donor eggs, which is her right, and found a doctor who was willing to let her try a few procedures but counseled her that the odds were not good. Because of her age, her insurance doesn’t cover these treatments. The stress of unsuccessful cycles, ovarian stimulation drugs, and the high expense is overwhelming her, and she’s coming to me for help and commiseration. I want to be there for her, but I’m exhausted. She’s been told by several doctors that pregnancy is very unlikely at her age, and a healthy pregnancy ending in a healthy baby is very unlikely, yet she carries on. While I can’t decide what anyone should be satisfied with, I wish she would focus on the kids she has, realize she’s almost 50, and stop this. I’m so tired of talking to her. What can I say?
—Sister-in-Law’s IVF