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Time to start the apartment search in earnest.

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,

I’m renting a room for a few months in a college town while I look for an apartment to rent by myself. I just moved here to start a new job. My housemates are mostly students (I don’t mind—I’m a very recent grad!), and lately there’s been a lot of low-level messiness: dishes in the sink, food left out overnight, laundry piling up. I really don’t care, and I’m happy to just keep to myself and pitch in if something is an issue because that’s what adults do. The big problem is my upstairs housemates. Their dad is also the landlord, and they live here rent-free. They call their mother over weekly to clean our house, and she has taken it upon herself to be our dishes tsar! She knocks on everyone’s door when she visits and group-texts the whole house when she thinks things are too messy. I know both my housemates are in college, but honestly they are old enough to deal with this kind of stuff themselves. Also, their mom being here all the time feels like a total invasion of privacy.

I have talked to them about it, but they do not seem to understand that it’s awkward to come home from work, relaxing with a beer, and then see their mom walk in unannounced and start texting the whole house over a few dishes! This is not a permanent housing arrangement for me, but what can I do while I’m here to get her out of my hair?

—Overbearing House Mom

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Re: Time to start the apartment search in earnest.

  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    Well, if the landlord gets to show up unannounced (assuming Mom is also the co-owner) then you need a new living arrangement.  

    Find a place with fewer housemates.   You're going to be hard pressed to say that the landlord isn't welcome in the house unannounced when the landlord's kids live there.   So take the time you spent writing that letter to Prudie and start looking. 
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  • downtondivadowntondiva member
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    You need to find a new living arrangement, and you need to find it now.
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  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Move out. 
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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I actually see this as more of a roommate issue than a landlord issue.  Because the mom isn't coming uninvited.  She is a guest of the upstairs roommates.

    Though the mom knocking on the LW's door is bs and crossing the line.  But it doesn't need to be a blow-out conversation.  Simply tell the mom that, while you realize she is the guest of her children, your bedroom door is part of your privacy and you don't want her knocking on it.

    I'd also ask the roommates and/or their mom to please let me know when she is coming.  Just so I'm expecting it and not suddenly "surprised".  I'd also do my own part to make sure my stuff is picked up in the common areas and my dishes are clean/put away.  Then I could just reply to her text with something like, "I hear ya, but none of them are mine.  Talk to Sloppy Son #1 and Sloppy Son #2."
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  • flantasticflantastic member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Why does the mom have LW's cell phone? If it's because she's a co-landlord, he could ask her to keep it to communication about stuff within the lease. If it's not because she's a co-landlord, she shouldn't have it. Block that number.
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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    flantastic said:
    Why does the mom have LW's cell phone? If it's because she's a co-landlord, he could ask her to keep it to communication about stuff within the lease. If it's not because she's a co-landlord, she shouldn't have it. Block that number.
    That's a good point, too!

    And I agree with the other PPs, as the LW even states, that this is only a temporary problem until they leave for their own individual place.  So perhaps this should be a motivation.

    But, until they are ready to do that, ALL of the issues they have with the roommates' mom is another Prudie edition of "use your words".  

    Everything they are complaining about should be able to be solved with a pretty normal, not even that awkward, conversation of setting a few boundaries and having their valid wishes known.
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  • STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
    First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
     Wash the dishes more often and move out. 
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