Prudie. Is. Not. Therapy.

mrsconn23 · December 2019

Dear Prudence,

I think my relationship to food is unhealthy, but I’m not sure what to do about it. I often forget to eat or drink. I don’t notice that I’m hungry until I’m starving. Today I ate nothing until 5 p.m., when I realized I was really hungry, at which point I ate yogurt to tide me over until my boyfriend came home for dinner. I don’t think I’m anorexic. I’m at a standard weight, but I do tend to neglect myself unless I’m reminded to eat. If my boyfriend’s here, I eat with him, but alone I tend to forget. I’m also embarrassed about my diet. I’m a lifelong vegetarian, but that doesn’t mean I always eat healthy—my favorite foods are bread and cheese.

Sometimes I buy more vegetables with the intention of eating healthier, but then if I fail to live up to that, I feel terrible about wasting food. I sometimes think I maintain a thin-ish physique by eating unhealthily but restricting how much I eat. I don’t weigh myself often, but I do scrutinize my reflection in the mirror every day to see if I’ve gained weight. I recently lost my job and started going to the gym regularly and now I’m worried that I might be putting my health at risk by exercising without addressing my eating habits. Additionally, my boyfriend and I have been discussing trying for a baby. I know I need to get my nutrition in check before becoming pregnant. But I’m not sure where to start. I know that whatever changes I make need to be ones I can stick with in the long term.

—Forgetful Eater

banana468 · December 2019

Oh LW, is food the only thing that you're forgetting? Do you simply forget to eat or are you tunnel visioning through tasks and forget the outside world?

I worked with someone who often just lost her sense of sense. She would tunnel through tasks and then say the same thing that she forgot to eat. She also routinely forgot appointments, did not pay attention to clocks so she'd ask me to start an hour long task at 15 minutes to 5 (a giant PITA when I was salaried and she was an owner) just oblivious that I worked a full day even if she came in two hours after I did.

She was just not great at managing her daily stress and it built up.

So LW, start to figure out how you can accomplish your daily tasks. Set Google reminders that beep on your phone and then take time to meal plan. If this is just eating then work to have easily made healthy snacks at your disposal. Start to use your calendar to your advantage. And maybe see a counselor once your job situation improves if the answer is that you are having issues managing time.

missJeanLouise · December 2019

I often forget to eat too. I am not hungry when I first wake up and it will often be 3 or 4 before I feel hungry enough to eat something.
When I was pregnant, I forced myself to eat something in the morning and it slowly jump started my breakfast routine. Eventually, I would wake up hungry. I kept up the routine until I quit breast feeding but now I am back to more of my previous habits. But now that I have to feed the baby, I snack more/ earlier. He reminds me to eat since I am making food for him anyway, I make some for me.
I feel like if you are at a decent weight, and feel fine, it's probably not an issue. I need to keep an eye on my nutrition because I tend to get anemic but I don't worry about the calories I am eating.

VarunaTT · December 2019

K is on medication that kills their appetite. They have alarms set on their phone and they basically have to force themselves to eat. If it was just that, I'd agree with Google alarms and shakes to just get the calories/vitamins you need.

But LW seems to have a bigger issue. I'm glad they recognize their relationship to food is unhealthy, b/c there's some serious red flags. "Embarrassed about my diet", "failing to live up to that and wasting food", and "restricting food" are all things that are probably more intense than LW is writing about. So yeah, therapy is going to be a must, to deal with this.

And yeah, please deal with it before becoming a parent and handing down emotional trauma surrounding food and body image.

CharmedPam · December 2019

I always thought you should not eat if your not hungry? Follow your hunger.....

I’m opposite and just eat during meal eating times because I was Programmed that way. “Oh it’s noon? Guess I should go to the cafeteria”

kerbohl · December 2019

Hubby get's tunnel-visioned and would forget to eat if it weren't for me. So I don't think that's really LW's real issue, but if they are worried about getting the proper nutrition, they should see a nutritionist. Start there maybe and get some guidelines, but maybe also see a therapist to talk a bit about body image to make sure there isn't something more going on.

charlotte989875 · December 2019

It’s not the forgetting to eat necessarily that’s a problem, but the “restricting my diet”, “scrutinizing my reflection to see if I’ve gained weight” and increasing exercise without adjusting the food intact. It’s time to see a nutritionist and possibly a counselor.

levioosa · December 2019

mrsconn23 said:

Dear Prudence,
I think my relationship to food is unhealthy, but I’m not sure what to do about it. I often forget to eat or drink. I don’t notice that I’m hungry until I’m starving. Today I ate nothing until 5 p.m., when I realized I was really hungry, at which point I ate yogurt to tide me over until my boyfriend came home for dinner. I don’t think I’m anorexic. I’m at a standard weight, but I do tend to neglect myself unless I’m reminded to eat. If my boyfriend’s here, I eat with him, but alone I tend to forget. I’m also embarrassed about my diet. I’m a lifelong vegetarian, but that doesn’t mean I always eat healthy—my favorite foods are bread and cheese.
Sometimes I buy more vegetables with the intention of eating healthier, but then if I fail to live up to that, I feel terrible about wasting food. I sometimes think I maintain a thin-ish physique by eating unhealthily but restricting how much I eat. I don’t weigh myself often, but I do scrutinize my reflection in the mirror every day to see if I’ve gained weight. I recently lost my job and started going to the gym regularly and now I’m worried that I might be putting my health at risk by exercising without addressing my eating habits. Additionally, my boyfriend and I have been discussing trying for a baby. I know I need to get my nutrition in check before becoming pregnant. But I’m not sure where to start. I know that whatever changes I make need to be ones I can stick with in the long term.
—Forgetful Eater

Girl, same.

LW does sound like they could use some therapy.

I used to be anorexic in high school and early college. I’m not anymore. But sometimes I still forget to eat. Usually it’s more “I’m not hungry” until 3-4 pm. Occasionally it’s tunnel vision. I’ve been trying to work on it, because while I’m not hungry and food doesn’t even sound good, I’ll go from “not even interested” to “starving” in five minutes and then I’ll have to work on not overeating.

MobKaz · December 2019

mrsconn23 said:

Dear Prudence,
I think my relationship to food is unhealthy, but I’m not sure what to do about it. I often forget to eat or drink. I don’t notice that I’m hungry until I’m starving. Today I ate nothing until 5 p.m., when I realized I was really hungry, at which point I ate yogurt to tide me over until my boyfriend came home for dinner. I don’t think I’m anorexic. I’m at a standard weight, but I do tend to neglect myself unless I’m reminded to eat. If my boyfriend’s here, I eat with him, but alone I tend to forget. I’m also embarrassed about my diet. I’m a lifelong vegetarian, but that doesn’t mean I always eat healthy—my favorite foods are bread and cheese.
Sometimes I buy more vegetables with the intention of eating healthier, but then if I fail to live up to that, I feel terrible about wasting food. I sometimes think I maintain a thin-ish physique by eating unhealthily but restricting how much I eat. I don’t weigh myself often, but I do scrutinize my reflection in the mirror every day to see if I’ve gained weight. I recently lost my job and started going to the gym regularly and now I’m worried that I might be putting my health at risk by exercising without addressing my eating habits. Additionally, my boyfriend and I have been discussing trying for a baby. I know I need to get my nutrition in check before becoming pregnant. But I’m not sure where to start. I know that whatever changes I make need to be ones I can stick with in the long term.
—Forgetful Eater

I am a horrible eater. I always have been that way. I eat regularly at work because I am at work and there are scheduled times. However, I am such a lazy eater that I quite literally pack myself the same lunch every day. Yogurt. Cheese stick. Pretzels. Fruit. At home, I have gotten used to starting my day with a banana, but not much beyond that. I get caught up in "stuff" and then by forgetting to eat, my stomach stops "registering" to tell me I'm hungry.

LW's comment regarding pregnancy concerns me. Prior to having kids, I was honestly a "one meal a day" gal, and that was typically dinner. The OB reminded me I needed to eat 3 squares for the sake of the baby. Welp, that first pregnancy I gained EIGHTY pounds!!! I do hope LW does go in for counseling prior to getting pregnant so that she can figure out how to eat what her body needs without it backfiring on her! If she has any eating issues at all, even typical pregnancy weight gain might cause issues.

Prudie. Is. Not. Therapy.

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