Dear Prudence,
I’m getting married in a few weeks. Because our friends have lots of dietary restrictions, we came up with the idea to throw a potluck wedding so everyone could have at least one thing they knew they could eat. Everyone seemed to think it was a great idea. We asked our friend “Sammi” to organize the list of who was bringing what, because we thought it would make her feel supported to have such an important role, plus it fit in naturally with her talents. But she’s taking the job too seriously, demanding everyone provide her with exhaustive ingredient lists and being very blunt. My uncle is a very shy person, and Sammi really upset him when she told him his proposed dish (chili and cornbread) was “inappropriate.”
She also said some very hurtful and personal things to my sweetheart’s mother, who was not enthusiastic about the potluck idea to start with. Now I am hearing day and night from guests upset with Sammi’s behavior. Several people have suddenly said that they are not going to be able to cook, and a few people have started making excuses for why they won’t be able to come at all. My sister (who has her own issues) has said she does not feel safe around Sammi, and my future mother-in-law is being passive aggressive as usual and saying she is just going to bring marshmallow treats, which almost no one will be able to eat. (Who brings marshmallow treats to a wedding?) I almost want to call the whole thing off. How do I fix this mess? There is not enough time to change the plan now, and anyway we don’t want to disappoint the friends who have put so much thought into what they will cook.
—Boiled Over