I, uhmm might have difficulty explaining the scenario that I need some advise on.
One of my bridesmaids, I have selected is due to the fact that she’s been very close to the FH-with 14 years of friendship. I mean it would be perfect for them as friends and bonus she would be included directly with all the planning ect and be front row with the wedding.
During this time we have bonded as friends too, which is great right ?
Okay so here’s where things are getting super messed up in my own opinion. In the past there has been incidences where we will be out as a group (she sleeps over at-least once a week / 2 weeks and she daily is in contact with FH) it happened at some incidences I will be told to go home as she will be driving with FH as party is “over” ...on these occasions... they just never came home until late morning hours of really hard partying. My calls and messages would Be ignored by her trying to find out where they are ect,this obviously has left sensitivity and the thought of is she sincerely trying to be a friend or is it just to be around FH as a friend?
Be it as it may - we forgive and forget. Time goes on.
Now that the wedding is upon us, FH and I agreed and decided that the bachelors will only be male invited and the so the same only females for the bachelorettes. This was also the requests of the best men. Small problem here - she shared the entire bachelorette plan with FH this was also not to be done as both events were asked to be strictly confidential to invitees per event only.
The bachelors was recently and and I had been advised by some of the girls that this specific female friend had made arrangement - decided that she will go to bachelors irrespective the best man strictly instructed no Girls... (So in Essenes she’s not invited at all) the day before the bachelors she insisted that her partner is added to bachelors list as he wasn’t invited either. He does not have means of transport and she admitted to one of the girls, She will take him to spend time there and stay for a few drinks with all the boys.
Here is the big problem:
I had obviously added up what’s happening and I politely asked her not to go and only to drop him of and leave as it’s a boys only event and it would upset me and off-course the guys and should their partners find out... that she had spent time there. because of the understanding agreed on the rules - I felt I had the right.
She stayed for for a while, I confronted her and explained to her that it wasn’t the arrangements and I felt highly disrespected and she had absolutely no right to go there. And not only as a bridesmaid and “friend” she’s clearly ignored my instruction as the bride . She’s turned around and stated as FH “best friend” she deserved to be the girl there for him and kept throwing the 14 years friendship in my face.
When i ask why did she ignore my request, same story and that I had no say in this towards her. She felt no remorse to how the guys felt and blatantly didn’t care about the other female friends he has for the same period of time felt that they also wanted to be there. She contacted FH on the night of the bachelors, crying because of our argument and now officially dragging him in on everything that could easily be resolved between myself and her.
I feel completely disrespected.
To top it all off, I had received communications from her insisting that the guys wanted her to stay (I know this would never have been the case and she kept saying especially FH wanted her there all the time. I advised her that I have spoken to FH, this wasn’t the case and I was really upset that she’s ignored all requests
for no girls. The guys had to eventually ask her to leave.
Furthermore , she deleted herself of the bachelorettes group ( she’s a main organiser ) this hasn’t raised questions from all the other girls on the group - cancelled the wedding with me as a bridesmaids and told me is only FH friend from now on and hasn’t no interest in my wedding or sorting this out with me ( the wedding is practically in two weeks) wanting to return the dress ect and gone onto Facebook posting direct “emotional quotes” and having her female friends and family members commenting directly hurtful things about my request.
FH and myself had a in-depth discussion and he happened to mention to me that on several occasions she had told her she will come to the bachelors and he had warned her it wouldn’t be advised and it’s not happening as it’s an only boys weekend. I sense she planned this and it was well executed.
Was i wrong in the first place to have asked her to respect my wishes and the guys wishes to have the space they wanted with no females?! As I did not want any females on his boys time. He also didn’t want girls around him.
What do do I do now?
This is really completely upsetting me and my head is spinning.
Theres a 14 year friendship involved that I don’t want to get involved with but I feel at the same time betrayed, humiliated, completely disrespected and hurt.