Moms and Maids

Overbearing MIL

edited January 5 in Moms and Maids

Re: Overbearing MIL

  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I totally agree with @banana468! You should not be dictating attire except as she stated. Also you need to consider your guests' comfort level both socially and economically. If they can't afford to rent a tux or buy a suit, do really not want them at your wedding. If your FI's family is a more casual group, do you want them to be uncomfortable in attire they aren't use to wearing? Some parts of my family are extremely casual. When DD got married she wouldn't have cared if they didn't wear suits - she just wanted her family at the ceremony and reception. Remember the wedding is about uniting two people together in marriage, not what their guests are wearing or what they look like in pictures.
    MyNameIsNotshort+sassy
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    @hepburnbride96 or @bethgrace96, it is in poor form to delete your post, particularly after it has been quoted. 
    While your MIL should have kept her opinion to herself, she is correct that no one dictates attire for the guests, unless you are truly having a black tie event.  I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume you are indeed NOT hosting a black tie event.
    "Fancy" is in the eye of the beholder.  My husband comes from a state/area where weddings typically call for a shirt and tie.  That is their high end fashion.  I am not about to judge that at all.  I would NEVER wear a long gown to anything....ever.  I came close to wearing some sort of pant to my daughter's wedding because I am not a fan of dresses at all.  No one should care or judge.
    short+sassy
  • While your MIL does sound annoying, you really shouldn't have anything about attire on the invitation or your wedding website unless it's black tie or you need to let guests know about attire restrictions at your venue. Since that doesn't sound like the case here, I suggest you remove anything dictating what your guests wear from your website. Do not replace it with anything MIL suggests. 

    If she's giving you a hard time about anything that doesn't involve comfort or expense for your guests (which the attire issue does), then your FI should speak to her and try to get her to back off a bit.
    image
    charlotte989875short+sassy
  • It is your (and your FI’s) wedding, but you did invite guests and once you do that you need to take their comfort into account. You can plan any type of event the two of you want, but if you’re planning something out of the norm for your guests, that isn’t exactly taking their comfort into account. As PPs have said unless there is a dress requirement by your venue, or you are specifically have a black/white tie event then you should not be telling guests what to wear. There’s nothing that makes that acceptable. 

    If she’s commenting on other choices I’d suggest that you stop sharing details with her; if she doesn’t know what your decisions are then she can’t criticize them. And if she does have opinions, let your FI handle them. 

    One last thing; you say they’re “taking up half the guest list” and your family is annoyed. But this is your FIs family and it’s his wedding too, no? Why wouldn’t he have just as many guests as you would? 
    sparklepants41MyNameIsNotshort+sassy
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    You should not be dictating a dress code to your guests, unless it's a true black tie event. The fact that you're suggesting a tux or a suit leads me to believe your event is not black tie. 

    Your MIL is right to call you on this. 

    MyNameIsNotbanana468short+sassy

  • One last thing; you say they’re “taking up half the guest list” and your family is annoyed. But this is your FIs family and it’s his wedding too, no? Why wouldn’t he have just as many guests as you would? 
    She said they were taking up more than half. That leaves what's left to be split between his friends, her friends, and her family.

  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    zitiqueen said:

    One last thing; you say they’re “taking up half the guest list” and your family is annoyed. But this is your FIs family and it’s his wedding too, no? Why wouldn’t he have just as many guests as you would? 
    She said they were taking up more than half. That leaves what's left to be split between his friends, her friends, and her family.
    I mean, that sounds like the issue is either 1) the natural and acceptable unfairness of having different-sized families and different levels of closeness to your family, or 2) the FI's inability to say no to inviting family with whom he's not that close, or 3) the poor planning of deciding on a venue and an arbitrary number of guests before deciding who needs to be included. If you go budget -> guest list -> venue (whatever venue fits those people at your budget), you don't have that last issue.
    banana468charlotte989875MesmrEweshort+sassy
  • Unless it's a Black Tie or White Tie event or your venue has a dress code, no dictating to your guests what they should or shouldn't wear.

      flantastic said:
    zitiqueen said:

    One last thing; you say they’re “taking up half the guest list” and your family is annoyed. But this is your FIs family and it’s his wedding too, no? Why wouldn’t he have just as many guests as you would? 
    She said they were taking up more than half. That leaves what's left to be split between his friends, her friends, and her family.
    I mean, that sounds like the issue is either 1) the natural and acceptable unfairness of having different-sized families and different levels of closeness to your family, or 2) the FI's inability to say no to inviting family with whom he's not that close, or 3) the poor planning of deciding on a venue and an arbitrary number of guests before deciding who needs to be included. If you go budget -> guest list -> venue (whatever venue fits those people at your budget), you don't have that last issue.
    9:10 it's 3...  ALWAYS set the budget (of money that is in the actual bank account), then write out the actual guests names (including "plus one", "SO", kids, etc. names), if family is involved in dictating this (i.e. "ye who pays gets a say"), insist that you get those lists THEN (who MUST be invited, who NEEDS to be invited, who, if room allows, WANT to be invited..)..  Also, it's nearly impossible that families are going to be split 50/50 for size on the guest list, families come in all shapes and sizes.
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