Dear Prudence,
My teenage daughter has a life-threatening medical condition and can no longer live at home. We live in a very small town, and some people know that she no longer lives with us, but my husband and I are very vague about her circumstances. It is essential that we protect her privacy. This has been enough to shut down the conversation with everyone except one person: “Karen.” Karen is a gossipy co-worker of mine, and I don’t trust her. At work and around town, she regularly asks me invasive questions about my daughter. It’s evident that she talks to others too, because she pieces together the information we’ve given others. My daughter is the only subject she speaks with me about—ever. We never even have any reason to talk about work. My tactic for dealing with her is to reply with the most bland of responses and walk away. I think it is possible that she does not realize what she is doing, as she is not very self-aware.
However, after a particularly upsetting series of questions from her at the grocery store last week, I am at the point where I may need to be more direct and tell her to stop, but there is a big part of me that suspects that she does know what she’s doing and that being frank about the matter would just encourage her repulsive behavior. My general feeling after my encounters with her is that she is a self-righteous, bloodsucking voyeur. I know I have no objectivity in the matter. How do I proceed?
—Nosy Co-worker vs. Sick Daughter