Wedding Etiquette Forum

Mobility Concerns and Venue Choice

Hi Everyone!
I'm new to the forums so if I do it all wrong, please don't yell at me.

So, I'm getting married next April (got engaged in November 19) and we have been looking at venues. We've narrowed it down to two; one is a beautiful loft and terrace with wood floors and an outdoor ceremony space that looks like it came straight from Lord of the Rings, which is really what we want. The other space is a mansion-type venue with a really cool pergola outdoor space for our ceremony. The inside isn't as nice, but is still workable I think. Both venues will cost about the same amount when we round in food, bar, and any extras. 

Our problem is that we're leaning towards the loft, but the only way to get to the space is up a flight of stairs (about twelve stairs with a landing between). Fiance's grandfather has mobility concerns and might have trouble getting up and down stairs. This is literally the only thing keeping us from calling and booking the loft. We're torn on whether or not we should book the other place instead because his grandfather hasn't been "open" to all of our ideas about the wedding and was refusing to attend unless we moved it from the brewery we originally chose. As you can see, it's a complicated situation. 

What's your advice? We obviously can't come up with a solution ourselves currently, so we figured we could use some input. thanks!

Re: Mobility Concerns and Venue Choice

  • Hi Everyone!
    I'm new to the forums so if I do it all wrong, please don't yell at me.

    So, I'm getting married next April (got engaged in November 19) and we have been looking at venues. We've narrowed it down to two; one is a beautiful loft and terrace with wood floors and an outdoor ceremony space that looks like it came straight from Lord of the Rings, which is really what we want. The other space is a mansion-type venue with a really cool pergola outdoor space for our ceremony. The inside isn't as nice, but is still workable I think. Both venues will cost about the same amount when we round in food, bar, and any extras. 

    Our problem is that we're leaning towards the loft, but the only way to get to the space is up a flight of stairs (about twelve stairs with a landing between). Fiance's grandfather has mobility concerns and might have trouble getting up and down stairs. This is literally the only thing keeping us from calling and booking the loft. We're torn on whether or not we should book the other place instead because his grandfather hasn't been "open" to all of our ideas about the wedding and was refusing to attend unless we moved it from the brewery we originally chose. As you can see, it's a complicated situation. 

    What's your advice? We obviously can't come up with a solution ourselves currently, so we figured we could use some input. thanks!
    While I'm not a fan of planning a whole event around one person, this is one person who seems to be pretty close, and planning the wedding at this venue essentially means he won't be able to come. Is a venue more important than grandpa being able to attend?

    Beyond that, think about it this way. What if your mother fell and broke her ankle two weeks before the wedding? What if your best friend had knee surgery? I find it odd that in 2020 there are places that are doing business but are still not ADA compliant, but I'd be reluctant to plan something that would exclude disabled people. You may only know of one person that has mobility issues, but there may be others that you don't know about or whose circumstances change in the next 15 months. 
    All of this.

    Frankly looking back now a dozen years since I got married, I'm really more happy about who was there vs. how it looked.    Some things were prioritized (like an air conditioned indoor space) but when a place we loved had too many issues we went with one that fit with our logistics.  Since we were married we look at our signature mat frame and I'm really happy with who attended as many signatures are not possible any more.  


    MobKazILoveBeachMusicshort+sassyjasandamar2020
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I'll "see" your mother of the bride ankle, @MyNameIsNot, and raise with the bride broke her foot 6 weeks before the wedding.  Yep.....that was my daughter!  Stairs would not have been her friend on her wedding day!
    OP, in addition to not placing "vision" over hospitality, I have to wonder whether your loft venue has a Plan B in case of inclement weather on your wedding day.  I would encourage you to place people before places!
    MesmrEweMyNameIsNot
  • If there's no way for FI's grandfather to get up to the loft easily and safely, I think you should go with the mansion. I don't think you guys want to look back on your wedding day and think that Grandpa could've been there but wasn't because of accessibility problems. 

    I am curious, though: did Grandpa refuse to attend the wedding if it was at the brewery because of accessibility issues there, or because he thought it was somehow "improper"? 
    image
  • Sorry I didn't clarify up top!

    He won't come to the wedding if there's alcohol there. He wouldn't go at the brewery even if it was dry because he is Baptist and doesn't believe drinking or giving our money to a brewery is moral. We were kind of put out with it; FI was really hurt that his grandpa wouldn't want to be there over something trivial. The plan at either place is to clear off the bar until the ceremony is over and he leaves, because he's already insisted he's only staying for the ceremony if he comes at all. He still hasn't decided if he is coming. 
  • kjoalvey said:
    Sorry I didn't clarify up top!

    He won't come to the wedding if there's alcohol there. He wouldn't go at the brewery even if it was dry because he is Baptist and doesn't believe drinking or giving our money to a brewery is moral. We were kind of put out with it; FI was really hurt that his grandpa wouldn't want to be there over something trivial. The plan at either place is to clear off the bar until the ceremony is over and he leaves, because he's already insisted he's only staying for the ceremony if he comes at all. He still hasn't decided if he is coming. 
    I absolutely wouldn't clear off the bar for him. If he doesn't want to drink, that's fine. Controlling other people because of your religion is not acceptable. 

    Excluding him because he can't make it up the stairs is one thing. Letting him decide not to attend because he can't tell other people what to do is a whole other thing. 
    I agree with all of this! Taking accessibility/mobility concerns into account is the right thing to do, but letting someone dictate how and what you serve is not, at all, needed. 
    downtondivalevioosaJen4948
  • kjoalvey said:
    Sorry I didn't clarify up top!

    He won't come to the wedding if there's alcohol there. He wouldn't go at the brewery even if it was dry because he is Baptist and doesn't believe drinking or giving our money to a brewery is moral. We were kind of put out with it; FI was really hurt that his grandpa wouldn't want to be there over something trivial. The plan at either place is to clear off the bar until the ceremony is over and he leaves, because he's already insisted he's only staying for the ceremony if he comes at all. He still hasn't decided if he is coming. 
    Does he not go out to eat at any restaurant where alcohol is served? 

    This is one that always perplexes me.
    levioosaMairePoppyaisfora86
  • Before considering the venues you have to also consider is there enough room for all of your guests to attend and the contingency plan for the ceremony if it rains.  Too often couples haven't actually made the guest list with names of all guests, SO, WP, vendors, etc. written out for is the venue big enough to meet the size requirements.  

    More than GP may have mobility issues and you don't know it.  You don't know if someone has a condition which makes climbing stairs an impossibility.  Yes, injuries happen too (We've had knotties who have broken their own leg shortly before the wedding).  While a venue may be "perfect" the reality is if it doesn't accommodate your guests with mobility issues, it's not "perfect".  
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  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    banana468 said:
    kjoalvey said:
    Sorry I didn't clarify up top!

    He won't come to the wedding if there's alcohol there. He wouldn't go at the brewery even if it was dry because he is Baptist and doesn't believe drinking or giving our money to a brewery is moral. We were kind of put out with it; FI was really hurt that his grandpa wouldn't want to be there over something trivial. The plan at either place is to clear off the bar until the ceremony is over and he leaves, because he's already insisted he's only staying for the ceremony if he comes at all. He still hasn't decided if he is coming. 
    Does he not go out to eat at any restaurant where alcohol is served? 

    This is one that always perplexes me.
    Yes. Along with all the times when I was a server and I would welcome a group and then offer a cocktail only to be snapped at, “We don’t drink!!! What do we look like, alcoholics!?!” 

    I’m on board with PP’s, OP. Of course mobility issues should be taken into account. But grandpa doesn’t get to dictate what is served, including alcohol, at the wedding. That’s super unreasonable and you do not have to accommodate his personal religious views. 


    image
    downtondiva
  • levioosa said:
    banana468 said:
    kjoalvey said:
    Sorry I didn't clarify up top!

    He won't come to the wedding if there's alcohol there. He wouldn't go at the brewery even if it was dry because he is Baptist and doesn't believe drinking or giving our money to a brewery is moral. We were kind of put out with it; FI was really hurt that his grandpa wouldn't want to be there over something trivial. The plan at either place is to clear off the bar until the ceremony is over and he leaves, because he's already insisted he's only staying for the ceremony if he comes at all. He still hasn't decided if he is coming. 
    Does he not go out to eat at any restaurant where alcohol is served? 

    This is one that always perplexes me.
    Yes. Along with all the times when I was a server and I would welcome a group and then offer a cocktail only to be snapped at, “We don’t drink!!! What do we look like, alcoholics!?!” 

    I’m on board with PP’s, OP. Of course mobility issues should be taken into account. But grandpa doesn’t get to dictate what is served, including alcohol, at the wedding. That’s super unreasonable and you do not have to accommodate his personal religious views. 
    That's when you respond back - "So you'll be ordering one of our fine Mocktails instead?"...  How to upsell while putting them back into conformity...
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Jumping on the "have mobility for Grandpa but don't let him decide if there are going to be alcoholic drinks" bandwagon.

    You can't force him to attend, but you can make it easier mobility-wise. But Grandpa has no right to impose his religious beliefs on everyone else at the wedding. If he refuses to attend over that, and it sounds like he will, the best you can do is say, "I'm sorry to hear that, Grandpa. Although we are serving alcohol, we will miss you if you chose not to attend. But it's your choice and we will honor that."
    downtondivaMesmrEwe
  • maine7mobmaine7mob member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited January 31
    Ditto to all of the above. Pick the venue that is accessible to all, regardless of mobility, and serve all the booze you want. But do not make it impossible for him to attend just because he's judgmental. Let it be his loss if he declines to attend just because of the alcohol.
    MesmrEwe
  • levioosa said:
    banana468 said:
    kjoalvey said:
    Sorry I didn't clarify up top!

    He won't come to the wedding if there's alcohol there. He wouldn't go at the brewery even if it was dry because he is Baptist and doesn't believe drinking or giving our money to a brewery is moral. We were kind of put out with it; FI was really hurt that his grandpa wouldn't want to be there over something trivial. The plan at either place is to clear off the bar until the ceremony is over and he leaves, because he's already insisted he's only staying for the ceremony if he comes at all. He still hasn't decided if he is coming. 
    Does he not go out to eat at any restaurant where alcohol is served? 

    This is one that always perplexes me.
    Yes. Along with all the times when I was a server and I would welcome a group and then offer a cocktail only to be snapped at, “We don’t drink!!! What do we look like, alcoholics!?!” 

    I’m on board with PP’s, OP. Of course mobility issues should be taken into account. But grandpa doesn’t get to dictate what is served, including alcohol, at the wedding. That’s super unreasonable and you do not have to accommodate his personal religious views. 
    That's when you respond back - "So you'll be ordering one of our fine Mocktails instead?"...  How to upsell while putting them back into place...
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  • MesmrEwe said:
    levioosa said:
    banana468 said:
    kjoalvey said:
    Sorry I didn't clarify up top!

    He won't come to the wedding if there's alcohol there. He wouldn't go at the brewery even if it was dry because he is Baptist and doesn't believe drinking or giving our money to a brewery is moral. We were kind of put out with it; FI was really hurt that his grandpa wouldn't want to be there over something trivial. The plan at either place is to clear off the bar until the ceremony is over and he leaves, because he's already insisted he's only staying for the ceremony if he comes at all. He still hasn't decided if he is coming. 
    Does he not go out to eat at any restaurant where alcohol is served? 

    This is one that always perplexes me.
    Yes. Along with all the times when I was a server and I would welcome a group and then offer a cocktail only to be snapped at, “We don’t drink!!! What do we look like, alcoholics!?!” 

    I’m on board with PP’s, OP. Of course mobility issues should be taken into account. But grandpa doesn’t get to dictate what is served, including alcohol, at the wedding. That’s super unreasonable and you do not have to accommodate his personal religious views. 
    That's when you respond back - "So you'll be ordering one of our fine Mocktails instead?"...  How to upsell while putting them back into place...
    Advice so nice we're seeing it twice!
    MesmrEwe
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