Wedding Invitations & Paper

Save the date to include or not include "adult reception" wording

so my mother, MIL and FH all agree it's ok to include on the save the date "an evening for adults" or "adult reception." There are a couple people who have children and we want to let them know ahead of time. I picked save the dates with a front and back side. The front with our engagement photo and wedding date. The backside will have the reception location, note for formal invitation to follow and our wedding website URL. I keep hearing to exclude information about not having kids and to address the envelope to Mr and Mrs XYZ and they would figure it out by word of mouth as well. I think word of mouth is worse and as the bride and groom we should note something to our guests. Any ideas on what to do? I could be overthinking this. I want to stay away from hurting anyone's feelings since all these children are my FH nieces/nephews.

Re: Save the date to include or not include "adult reception" wording

  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    so my mother, MIL and FH all agree it's ok to include on the save the date "an evening for adults" or "adult reception." There are a couple people who have children and we want to let them know ahead of time. I picked save the dates with a front and back side. The front with our engagement photo and wedding date. The backside will have the reception location, note for formal invitation to follow and our wedding website URL. I keep hearing to exclude information about not having kids and to address the envelope to Mr and Mrs XYZ and they would figure it out by word of mouth as well. I think word of mouth is worse and as the bride and groom we should note something to our guests. Any ideas on what to do? I could be overthinking this. I want to stay away from hurting anyone's feelings since all these children are my FH nieces/nephews.
    Basically, you never make a point of saying who is not invited. Saying "adult reception" is a way to say "YOUR KIDS ARE NOT WELCOME, DON'T TRY IT." Which is rude. You expect that people realize that only those who are addressed are those invited, and if they try to add their kids, you call them and say, "I'm sorry, but the invite was only for X & X. Hope you can still make it!"

    That said, these are his siblings' kids? I agree that they need a heads up, because typically when children are that close, they are included in the celebration. I can see where the parents would be surprised that their kids are excluded. If your FH is close to these children, or has any desire to be, I would maybe rethink that. But no one is owed an invite - excluding even nieces and nephews is your prerogative. The solution here is not to passive-aggressively note on the invitation "this is only for adults," or to expect that they hear their children aren't welcome from their aunt or another rando, but to hear it directly from your FH.

    You absolutely cannot invite them to the ceremony and not the reception, so I hope that wasn't your plan. Anyone invited to the ceremony must be invited to the reception. Your FBILs and FSILs are allowed to decide to let a babysitter take over for the reception portion, but you are not allowed to make that call if you have invited them to the ceremony.
    banana468short+sassy
  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    No, it's not OK to print this on your STD, or even your invite. The advice you'd heard is correct. When it comes time to send invites out, you address the invite to only the people invited. 

    short+sassy
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    It's rude to call out who isn't invited on an invitation. The polite thing is to assume that your guests are able to read an envelope, but correct them if they can't. Plus, "Adult Reception" sounds like something NSFW. 

    If these are your FI's niblings, their parents are his siblings. He can mention that the kids aren't invited casually. 
    short+sassy
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    No, even on save-the-dates you don't mention that kids or anyone else aren't invited. This is information you have to share by word-of-mouth. Your FI should do that with his siblings if he hears talk that they plan to bring their kids to the wedding.
    short+sassy
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