Is it selfish to ask for help?
I’m planning to book a florist recommended by a friend. It has spectacular reviews and I loved our consultant. For 6 bridesmaid bouquets, bride bouquet, toss bouquet, 13 boutonnières (parents, groom, groomsmen), flower girl, cake flower, and centerpieces, it would cost about $850. The catch? It’s DIY but they provide all the flowers and make it a party. A coach will make my bouquet while we make the rest guided by her. I bring my girls and we can drink wine and bring snacks.
My three sisters were the first to jump in to say to do it and they’d help. I’m not making it mandatory but see who can help. My cousin (MoH) seemed annoyed but it’s ironic because her whole wedding was DYI and we worked our butts off with set up, tear down, during the wedding, and clean up! We would have to do it Thursday before the wedding so they would take time off work. But we also have rehearsal which is likely on a different day because of the venue’s schedule. I’m not the type of person who often asks for help. All other places quoted $1,200-$1,500. Is it selfish to ask them if it means time off? I need at least 4-5 girls.
My party is mostly sisters, cousin and sister in laws. Two of them own their own business and make their own schedule, the others I know have a lot of vacation leave. I also have others in mind fo ask who don’t work a regular 9-5 if they can’t.
I asked this on WeddingBee and everyone said I was very selfish and that saving $400-600 is nothing much more but it’s a lot to me.
TLDR: Is it selfish to ask for help if it means time off work?
Re: Is it selfish to ask for help?
But you really cannot ask your guests to do anything.
If you think your budget is requiring you to hit people up, you need to scale back. The truth is that no one cares whether you save money. They just don't. So you have to decide where you can cut costs.
However I want to also implore you to take a big look at this especially in light of what's going on now. Answers you received from people before last week may change drastically especially if anyone in your bridal party is affected by the current pandemic. I'm not sure if you're in a state that has had their businesses drastically impacted yet. I'm living in CT and here anyone working for a non essential business has had to either work from home or they are furloughed temporarily. People who previously had job security are now faced with filing immediately for unemployment because the government has forced their jobs to be not operational. This is going to have major effects especially on those who now no longer can work until forced stay at home mandates are lifted (something that is realistically going to take months).
So PLEASE look at ways that you don't have to ask your BP to do this. My guess is that unless they are unemployed at the time of your wedding they may very well find themselves having to work extra days to pay the bills. Please think of that and consider it for all aspects of your wedding.
The person who should be helping you with all this is your FI. Why would it be up to your family instead of the other person getting married to do these projects?
I did a lot of DIY for my wedding. You know who did all of the crafting, assembling, etc? Me and my then fiance. No one else.
However I'm going to be SUPER EMPHATIC that the answers you were getting before and the answers you'll get in 2 months, 6 months or a year may be drastically different now. And these things should not be done during times your WP would have been working.
My friends and family would have helped if I asked. The difference is I DIDN'T. Because crafting for my wedding isn't their job, and it was something I decided to take on. It's not OK to treat your family and friends like this.
Who else can you ask? The person you are marrying! There are 2 people in the wedding. Those are the two that should be doing these tasks.
Just because you believe they are expressing that they are not only able, but happy, to help you on your schedule and budget doesn't mean that you are reading their true feelings on the matter. What they might be expressing might not be how they really feel, or you might not be reading whatever they are expressing correctly.
In any event, it's always best not to take for granted that anyone, regardless of how close your relationship with that person is, will help you and to budget to pay for whatever help you need.
I'd much rather you give your florist the list, the budget of $850, and let them tell you what you can get for the money delivered without lifting a single finger!