Keeping your family safe is #1, IMO

mrsconn23 · April 2020

Dear Prudence,

I am a 22-year-old woman currently living with my mom, her boyfriend “Jack,” and my brother in a county that’s been told to shelter in place. My brother “Drew” is immunocompromised. Yesterday, I texted my mom and Jack that I was going to volunteer at our community food bank, which is rapidly losing its mostly retired volunteers. I wore gloves and tried not to come too close to clients we were delivering groceries to, but it wasn’t possible to maintain 6 feet of distance from fellow volunteers. I loved helping our clients and taking action. When I got home, Mom, Jack, and I discussed that I didn’t really open my decision to family consideration and that I was inviting risk by spending so much time around others. But we’re also Jewish, and we value repairing the world, so they did appreciate the work I was trying to do. In addition, going to care for vulnerable community members is allowed under our shelter-in-place order. Is it worth helping our community if I might catch the virus and get my brother sick? Is there any compromise I might be able to make?

—Safe Volunteering

charlotte989875 · April 2020

You could find somewhere else to stay during the crisis? But you deciding to put your brothers health at risk, without telling him is completely unfair. Even if what you are doing is helping many people.

You don’t get to decide to compromise a vulnerable person’s health even if it’s for a good reason

VarunaTT · April 2020

I understand where LW is coming from, b/c I am feeling my own frustration about not being able to be those hands on the ground. But LW has to consider their own family as well. If LW can't find a way to keep themselves totally safe and not put their family at risk, LW can't do this.

banana468 · April 2020

I get it. There's a big desire to help.

But realize that you can be affecting others and making it worse. Is that worth it?

downtondiva · April 2020

I admire the desire to help others, but you need to consider your immunocompromised brother first. While any of us could get sick in this pandemic, immunocompromised people are still at an especially high risk of serious illness and death. Please make his safety a priority and stay home for the time being. There will still be opportunities for you to help others when the worst of this is over.

MyNameIsNot · April 2020

At times like these, each household (or the adults in each household) need to make decisions for the household together. If LW just volunteers for an afternoon and the mother just goes to Target and the step-dad just runs into work, they're each bringing exposure to each other and putting the bother at risk. If LW is exposed, everyone else in the home is exposed.

I admire the desire to help others, especially at a time like this, but LW should have discussed the potential exposure with the rest of the family before deciding to volunteer, and they should have looked for opportunities to mitigate the risk to Drew ahead of time, whether that's staying elsewhere after volunteering, using a separate entrance and not coming into the common areas, or something else.

drunkenwitch · April 2020

The absolute best thing you can do for a food bank is send them money, that applies to the current situation and the usual one. Food banks often work out deals with local farmers and businesses to buy surplus fresh food at an incredibly low price. Dry good donations are good, but money takes them a lot further.

climbingsingle · April 2020

Your brother is immunocompromised. Stay the fuck home!

Keeping your family safe is #1, IMO

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