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Quarantine 'house guest' from hell

Dear Prudence,

I share a two-bedroom apartment with another couple. “Ben” has his little sister “Kiki” sleeping on the couch because of shelter-in-place measures. She can’t fly home. His girlfriend is overseas, and Ben works in an essential service, so it’s just Kiki and me in the house. She is very irritating. She has taken over the living room and thrown her stuff everywhere. She has burst into my room twice to use my private bath because she was “going to piss” herself and couldn’t wait until her brother was done. I lock my door now and stay in my room. I make meals at home and freeze them for the week ahead. Ben and his sister live off takeout or junk food.

Recently, I was baking cookies. Kiki started whining like a toddler—kicking her feet up and down the couch and raising her voice, saying, “I am sooo hungry. I am starving. I want a cookie.” I told her to cut it out. Kiki doubled down and started to chant “Cookie, cookie, cookie.” I picked up my phone and started to record her tantrum. She started to curse me out for recording her. I told her I was sending the video to her parents. Kiki stomped off to Ben’s room. I sent it off to Ben and his mom saying, “This is what I live with day after day. Please deal with her.”

The next day, Kiki had cleaned up the living room and stayed in Ben’s room. I got a long apology text from Ben’s mother, and she sent me a grand to cover Kiki’s household expenses and share of the rent. Now Ben is upset with me for involving his parents. I told him I asked him to deal with Kiki for weeks and nothing happened. I get that we can’t throw her out, but she is 19. If she were 9, her behavior would be considered childish. It has now been days. Kiki doesn’t speak to me and hides in Ben’s room. I have actually been able to watch a movie in my living room. It is nice. But what can I do moving forward?

—Unlivable Living Room

Re: Quarantine 'house guest' from hell

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    I was thinking she WAS 7 till it said 19.

    19.  Really?  19!

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    Keep doing what you’re doing because it seems like it was the only thing that worked? I mean seriously Ben and Kiki are terrible and their behavior is ridiculous. I’d ignore the temper tantrums (from Ben and Kiki) and enjoy that your house is quiet. 
    This?  

    Look - this is an unprecedented time and none of us have dealt with it before.   And that means that when people get stressed they kind of spiral downwards.  So Kiki got called out on the fact that she's not being OK.   The roommate decided that inaction was what he was OK with and the other one didn't.

    Just be glad none of you are related to each other or are bound to each other beyond the terms of the lease. 
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    Prudie 'shamed' the LW for filming Kiki and sending it to their parents, but I'm sure it was between that and murder. 

    My first advice, the advice I offer most strenuously, is not to record anyone in order to send embarrassing footage to their parents. I recognize that you were under provocation—Kiki sounds like a terrible houseguest, and I’d be driven to distraction if I had to share a living room with her too. But there are certain standards it’s important to uphold regardless, and Kiki’s likely going to continue to offer you provocation for as long as you have to live together. You’re going to have to find a way to live up to those standards. Commit to not recording her, not destroying her things, not getting into a screaming match, and so on. Your good behavior cannot depend on hers.

    You also can come up with a plan for how you’ll draw a boundary or end a conversation with her once it becomes unproductive, even if that just means taking a walk or going back to your room, since your options are limited while you shelter in place. Continue to lock your door when you’re alone in your room, ignore any future requests or demands for you to make food for her, and keep your eyes open for possible new living arrangements once your lease is up. Enjoy the newfound peace in your living room. Engage with her as little as possible, and consider her silent treatment an unexpected gift and not something you have to fix. Mutual nonantagonism until she can return home is the goal here, not shared understanding and unlikely friendship.



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    mrsconn23 said:
    Prudie 'shamed' the LW for filming Kiki and sending it to their parents, but I'm sure it was between that and murder. 

    My first advice, the advice I offer most strenuously, is not to record anyone in order to send embarrassing footage to their parents. I recognize that you were under provocation—Kiki sounds like a terrible houseguest, and I’d be driven to distraction if I had to share a living room with her too. But there are certain standards it’s important to uphold regardless, and Kiki’s likely going to continue to offer you provocation for as long as you have to live together. You’re going to have to find a way to live up to those standards. Commit to not recording her, not destroying her things, not getting into a screaming match, and so on. Your good behavior cannot depend on hers.

    You also can come up with a plan for how you’ll draw a boundary or end a conversation with her once it becomes unproductive, even if that just means taking a walk or going back to your room, since your options are limited while you shelter in place. Continue to lock your door when you’re alone in your room, ignore any future requests or demands for you to make food for her, and keep your eyes open for possible new living arrangements once your lease is up. Enjoy the newfound peace in your living room. Engage with her as little as possible, and consider her silent treatment an unexpected gift and not something you have to fix. Mutual nonantagonism until she can return home is the goal here, not shared understanding and unlikely friendship.



    Yes - continue to look for ways that you can stop living with someone when NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO GO ANYWHERE.

    Did Prudie travel back in time to write this?? 
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    LW handled this perfectly. But as soon as this quarantine life is over I’d be looking for another place. 


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