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Wedding Woes

Y'all need counseling.

Dear Prudence,

My husband, Will, was adopted as a child by his foster parents. He wants, more than anything, to be a foster parent himself. He has been up front about this from the beginning, and at the time, I agreed. We both wanted a big family. Now we have a 3-year-old daughter, and I’m already over my limit. I know I don’t want any more kids, fostered or otherwise, but I’ve been a coward and haven’t told Will yet. He is an amazing dad who dotes upon our child, and he has never pressured me to try for another child or start the fostering process, although I know he wants both. I feel wretched that I am going to deny children in need of a home his presence—a small part of me is terrified that he will either leave me over this or, worse, stay with me because he’s a good man. Things have come to a head since we’re quarantined. I feel sick every time I think of initiating this conversation. What should I say?

—No More Kids

Re: Y'all need counseling.

  • You're going to need to talk to him.   Tell him that right now you're feeling completely emotionally tapped out and that you're not feeling comfortable living up to the promise of what you previously said.

    Maybe talk to him about other options such as being a mentor or big brother and seek other counseling if this is an impossible impasse.
  • There’s no way through this without talking about it. It’s okay to change your mind but it’s not fair to keep that to yourself and not tell him. 
  • Talk. To. Him.

    I'm highly upfront about not wanting more kids, because I don't find it fair to not have your spouse know how you feel.
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