Dear Prudence,
Three months ago I met an amazing man. I’m 51, and he’s 58. He is warm, open, curious, and a great communicator. We fell in love. The sex is great. And then coronavirus struck. We live a few hours away from each other, and it seemed best to stay apart, though we texted regularly. Last week he told me that he binge drinks by himself, around 10 drinks a night, and that he’s done this a few times in the past couple of weeks and throughout his life. He’s tall, so it might not be quite so bad, but I think that’s a lot of drinking, especially alone. He didn’t have to tell me about it but chose to because he wanted me to know. I drink very little and don’t want to be around it. He decided to cut back, but it wasn’t until I told him that this wasn’t workable for me. He would be doing it to save our relationship. From what I’ve read, that kind of drinking can cause all sorts of physical, mental and emotional problems long-term. He struggles with depression sometimes. He also doesn’t always remember plans we make, though he decided to see a therapist about this. I suspect he will cut back on drinking and would hold to it for some time. But it seems that the likelihood of falling back on drinking when things get hard is somewhat high.
So I broke up with him. He is understandably upset. He thinks that he can manage his drinking and he won’t binge drink anymore. Is this possible? Would I be foolish to try it and see what happens? I don’t want to push away the best man I’ve ever met, but I also don’t want to wind up in a long-term relationship with someone who has a drinking problem.
—Can This Work?