I'm the Best Man - with health concerns. Should I be going?

RyGuy13 · April 2020

So my cousin, who is my best friend and who has always been there for me is getting married in a little less than two months. I'm surprised he and his wife to be have not canceled due to the COVID-19 situation as his state is still locked down. I'm honored to be his best man and when he asked me I was thrilled. He was the best man at my wedding and I was very excited to be his best man.

That being said, I have two children under two. One is a newborn and was born in late February. I also have a pre-existing condition and in general my health isn't the greatest. My wife and mom both don't me to go but I feel very conflicted. He's my best friend and I want to support him but I also want to think about my own safety and that of my children. What should I do?

MesmrEwe · April 2020

It's in two months - a lot can change especially our knowledge of COVID-19 and what will or won't be the restrictions at that time. If the event is limited to 10 people at that point and he still wants you there in person, I'd make every attempt to go if at all possible.

downtondiva · April 2020

I'm also surprised that your cousin's wedding hasn't been postponed. I am under the impression that a lot of couples who had June weddings planned have already selected a later date or are looking into it. As far as I can tell, the forecast isn't looking great for being able to have large events by then.

As for whether you should attend, I totally understand why you'd want to be there for your cousin's big day. However, your health and safety and that of your family need to come first. If you are concerned that you could be especially vulnerable to complications and/or are worried about getting the rest of your family sick, don't go. As much as you love your cousin, your wife and kids need to take priority here. While I don't think you need to make a final decision right now (after all, your cousin could tell you in a couple of weeks that they're postponing, then this would all be moot), try not to feel too guilty or ashamed if you ultimately decide it's not a good idea for you to go.

MobKaz · April 2020

RyGuy13 said:

So my cousin, who is my best friend and who has always been there for me is getting married in a little less than two months. I'm surprised he and his wife to be have not canceled due to the COVID-19 situation as his state is still locked down. I'm honored to be his best man and when he asked me I was thrilled. He was the best man at my wedding and I was very excited to be his best man.
That being said, I have two children under two. One is a newborn and was born in late February. I also have a pre-existing condition and in general my health isn't the greatest. My wife and mom both don't me to go but I feel very conflicted. He's my best friend and I want to support him but I also want to think about my own safety and that of my children. What should I do?

I agree with the comments made by @downtondiva. I would also add that as your best friend, he is hopefully considering YOUR circumstances and situation and will fully support you in whatever decision you make when the time comes.

charlotte989875 · April 2020

I agree with @downtondiva I’m surprised it hasn’t been rescheduled/postponed at this point.

But you need to do what is best for your and your family and if that means not attending hopefully someone that is close enough to ask you to be in their wedding will understand that the truly extraordinary circumstances we’re in and why you have to miss the wedding.

It definitely sucks and I understand why you want to be there but you and your family have to figure out what is best to keep you all healthy!

banana468 · April 2020

My guess is that the wedding isn't postponed if they're going to be out of money and the place that they're working with is also possibly not going to work with them. It's unfortunate but that's also what others have reported with small businesses.

I think you can express exactly what you are here and also say that it may be a game time decision. Things are so uncertain right now and your priority needs to be your health and the health of your kids.

OliveOilsMom · April 2020

I think giving him a heads up now would be helpful. Since it is still 2 months away, the venue may not even be working with couples yet. They could be focusing on moving the events that are scheduled within the next month.

You need to keep the overall health and well being of you and your immediate family first. But I also think its too early to make a decision. So that is why i think you should wait and see how things shake out.

"Cousin, you know how excited and honored I am to be your Best Man. I hope that I will be able to make your wedding. But I also need to think about my health and that of my family's. So I just want to let you know that depending on how things go over the next two months, there is a chance I won't feel safe attending."