I have a really tricky dilemma, and I'm hoping I can get some third party advice. Fair warning, it's a lot of drama...
I am getting married in August 2020. I've happily been engaged since January 2018, and after buying a house and living with our new expenses for a full year, we set our wedding date back in July 2019. My best friend of 15 years is my Maid of Honor. After briefly dating and becoming engaged shortly after (less than a year from now), she decided to have her wedding 3 weeks after mine, which she hid from me for months until I accidentally found out about it. Every couple's love story has its own timeline, but it feels like she's racing me down the aisle as she haphazardly plans her events and finds vendors while mine have been established for quite some time.
When I finally found out about her wedding date, I asked to meet her in person at a coffee shop to discuss the matter. I shared how hurt that I was that she didn't share the news of her wedding date immediately (as I had done) and realistically asked her if she could uphold her MoH duties. She was pretty dismissive about my hurt feelings, claiming she wasn't intentionally hiding it. She did say that felt she had her duties handled. At this time, she also asked me to be the Co-Matron of Honor at her wedding (for added drama, the other Co-MoH is the woman who was the MoH from her fiance's first wedding).
To date, my mother and future mother-in-law have had to take over planning for my bridal shower, and my future sister-in-law has taken over the planning for my bachelorette. I've tried to have conversations with her to say she hasn't lived up to her duties, but nothing has changed. My bridal party is very understanding of this extraordinary situation and have picked up the slack. They also understand that at this point, I'm just trying to minimize the drama by not officially demoting her or kicking her out of the wedding party.
Admittedly, I'm focused on my own wedding and haven't devoted time to help planning hers. I accepted and didn't want to back out initially because she hadn't even found a venue, so I thought there still might be a chance that the wedding would take place at a later date. Why cause drama if she would just move her wedding date? She finally picked her venue in early March, and her planning has just begun. We haven't even selected bridesmaids dresses, but given the shortened timeline, the co-MoH is reaching out to plan the bachelorette.
I don't think I can handle my co-MoH duties or the costs that come with it since I need to focus on my wedding. Given the circumstances, is it acceptable for me to back out now?