Wedding Woes

WTF? Maybe they should have bought a bigger house?

Dear Prudence,

My in-laws recently moved to our city and live close by in a nice condo. They ask (actually, inform us that they plan to) to stay at our house when we are out of town. I believe they think of it as a kind of vacation. I think that this is weird and unnecessary. (We do not have any pets, children, or plants that require sitting.) That’s my main hangup—it’s just not necessary for them to be in our space. My husband says we have no good reason to say no. I can definitely name some reasons, not the least of which is preparing a home for guests, but is it enough to simply value our privacy? If so, how do we communicate this to them? I don’t want to create an expectation that our home is available to them as a kind of hotel whenever it’s empty.

—Not a Hotel

Re: WTF? Maybe they should have bought a bigger house?

  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited April 2020
    I want to understand this LW's IL's 'culture' where they assume house-sitting, when there's no children, pets, plants, intruders to ward off, is necessary and a 'need' when one leaves town.  Mail can be held, ring cameras can be installed.  I just cannot fathom someone being all, "OH you're leaving town, I guess I'll be moving in for NO reason at all!"  
  • This is just so weird. 


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  •  Very weird. 

  • I wonder if this is a cultural situation. It would definitely explain a lot if it is.

    That being said, I would definitely be clear on the "not necessary"/"please don't" conversation with them.
  • This is bizarre. Maybe they don't like their condo? But if so that's not LW's problem. 
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  • This is so weird. H thinks I'm crazy because I don't like when his family visits and hangs out at our house while we're at work. Having someone in my house while I'm travelling would ruin the whole trip. 

    LW's husband needs to say no. 
  • This is so weird. H thinks I'm crazy because I don't like when his family visits and hangs out at our house while we're at work. Having someone in my house while I'm travelling would ruin the whole trip. 

    LW's husband needs to say no. 
    I'm the same way.  The only people I'm OK with being in my house when I'm not here is SIL/nieces.  I know they'll respect my stuff and SIL cleans.  LOL  
  • The only times I've ever been OK with people in the house when we weren't there was when it was best for Chiquito who was a shit sleeper and DH and I had to go to a wedding out of state. 
  • I feel like there’s more to this; why do they want to stay even though there is zero reason for them to do so? 

    I would politely, but firmly tell them no and make sure your husband does the same. I don’t like people in my space when I’m not there and I can’t think of asking to be in someone else’s with a good reason. 
  • And as always, this is a husband issue.  He thinks LW needs a 'good' reason to say no.  The reason is it's LW's house and LW doesn't want them there.  LW and their H own the property and pay the mortgage, so it's reason enough to say they don't want people who don't live there to be there when they're not there.  The IL's feelings about this don't matter, even if they 'think' they're being 'helpful' in some way by 'keeping an eye on things'.  All the H needs to say is "thanks. but no thanks" and repeat as necessary.  

    I hope LW's IL's don't have a key to their place.  If they did, I'd be tempted to set up cameras/a security system they don't have the code to. 

  • It depends.  Do they have one of those cool, trendy downtown condos where some of the best places in the city are within walking distance?  Because, if so, I'd be down for some quid-pro-quo, lol!

    But seriously, the LW needs to tell their H that it's "good reason enough!" that they are not comfortable with it.  Period.  He can think that's illogical if he wants to, it doesn't change the LW's feelings and this is a "two yeses or a no" decision.  So he needs to lay down the law with his parents.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • ei34ei34 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Super strange. 
    I read this as the IL's haven't actually stayed over yet?  Just said they were going to?  Whether they asked or stated it, it'd be a firm no from me.  I'd tell H I wasn't comfortable with it and really try and get him on board.  If he's the non-confrontational type I'd let them know myself.  And then make sure they never have a copy of the keys. 
  • Say no and change the locks. 
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