Dear Prudence,
I am a happily married 47-year-old teacher. Every couple of years, former students get in touch to ask me to lunch or coffee. If they’ve graduated at least five years ago, I usually go. This also happens to my colleagues, and they have similar policies. I always have a nice catch-up session, and I’ve never had an unprofessional or romantic relationship with a student. Last month, my former student “Rachel” (in her mid-20s) contacted me to ask for coffee. I hadn’t spoken to her since I taught her tenth-grade science class, and I didn’t know her very well then.
She showed up in a very emotional state, said she had just taken drugs, then declared her love for me. She started crying and said she wanted me to leave my wife. I was extremely taken aback and was trying to keep her calm, so I did not explicitly turn her down (which I should have done), but I think I conveyed through my body language and my rapid exit that I was not interested. I was thoroughly freaked out. Rachel has since emailed me to say she has been in therapy and is embarrassed about ”what happened between us,” but she also wants to keep in touch. It’s only been a month. I don’t feel comfortable keeping in touch and I don’t want to put myself at professional risk by engaging further with her. At the same time, I feel sorry for her because she is clearly vulnerable and I feel some duty of care toward her. I’m not sure if I should ignore her completely or send some sort of response wishing her the best but making it clear that I don’t want to continue the correspondence. I told my wife, and she was the one who suggested I write to you for advice. What is the kindest thing to do here?
—Freaked-Out Faculty